Page 4.0 Meimi woke up feeling somewhat disturbed. Most of that disturbation resulted from the giant armored... _something_ that stood in her doorway. Never in her life had she received such a rude awakening. Her door had been flung open, heedless of whatever state of undress she might have been in, and with a resounding *CLANG!*, the behemoth's axe stamped itself on the ground. "...just... five more minutes..." she half-mumbled into her pillow, rolling over and putting her arms over her face. "I dun wanna go to school today..." The massive being stared down at her with eyes glowing in their impossibly dark and lifeless manner. "It is time. Come." Its unearthly voice rumbled the sleepy crystals built up around her eyelashes off into oblivion. Jumping up on top of the bed, she looked around, startled. Nope, after hearing _that_ voice, she _definitely_ wasn't going back to sleep. Realizing she was still in her kawaii penguins holding umbrellas PJs, she ordered the giant to turn around so she could change. "Giant! Turn around so I can change!" Sighing in an extremely uncharacteristic manner, the big dude covered in metal complied. It even put its hand over its eyes, for additional dramatic effect. Using the Magic Curtain for cover, she quickly changed into a tasteful ensemble of long gray robes and a matching rope cinched around the waist. Ready to go in under five seconds, she announced to the iron giant (someone was going to have to call him that, eventually) her current state of preparedness. "Okay. I'm dressed. Let's go." As she started to walk off the bed (Yes, she was still standing on it, just go with it, okay?) colors began to blur and the room started spinning. Up became down and down became sort of a post-impressionist interpretation of the complete holistic experience. With her foot caught in the bed sheets, Meimi had tripped and banged her head against the headboard. Everything turned a bright, fiery red color and then immediately faded to black. ~!@#$%^&*()_+ Beware the Radish acts seemingly unaware of: T M I (Insert fancy title graphic here) Created by the aware, but still very seeming: John Q. Evans (Q. added for dramatic effect) This part written and mostly created by the seems to be aware: ELRutt (No letters added for dramatic necessity) Chapter 2: Fantasy World +_)(*&^%$#@!~ Page 5 A glimmering tower rose in the distance. In the foreground stood the crumbling ashes of a city plagued with little children and their "toys". The survivors of the carnage fled into the dark recesses of the tower, or possibly into the forest for later plot development. But this story is not about them. It is about the ones in the tower. A young girl, fair of skin and dark of hair, sat high upon the throne. Not the sort of throne a king or queen would sit upon, but rather-- wait kings and queens _did_ sit upon this type of throne every now and again when they felt the calling of their respective Gods, but this throne of which I speak is that of the sort that everyone, from the lowly peasant to the powerful and wise court jester, sat upon. It was part of the daily ritual after all. Hold on, I don't think I'm being absolutely clear. Everyone didn't just use this _particular_ throne, there were others like it, scattered throughout the land, as far as the eye can see, and some folks used those thrones as well. I mean, can you imagine the lines, if there was only one throne of this nature? There would be many an accident if this were the only one of its kind in existence. And what of the poor people in distance nations that might feel the Gods beckoning? And what was I talking about? Ah yes, the girl was making number two in a rather undramatic and disgustingly sophomorical gesture. Her face clenched tightly and her buttocks... ===== Page 4.1 "AAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!" A loud shriek shook the chamber. Meimi sat bolt upright in her bed, sweat beaded heavily on her brow. Looking around and seeing the familiar setting of her bedchamber, she sighed with relief. It had all been a dream. Just one long, crazy, overly zany in some parts dream. Slowly her intense consternation faded away. No more midnight snacking for her, she told herself for the umpteenth time. "Pierre," she called, "bring me mine slippers so that I might wear them and look fashionable as I stroll regally through the bedchamber." "Yes mistress," the overly obedient manservant slithered into her chamber to fetch the slippers out of her royal closet. Its scaly hide glistened under the fluorescent lighting. As she watched his slow, methodical movements, she reached over to her royal end table, sitting next to the royal bed, and grabbed the candy dish resting quaintly upon it. Unlocking the magic seal placed upon it by an evil wizard of no importance to this story, she removed the lid and ever so carefully thrust her hand inside, chasing after the tasty morsels contained within. In her delicate fingers, she held the treasure of her harrowing quest: a Dan Plushie. With an evil smirk, which soon grew into an evil grin, that inherently led to a full-on maniacal ear-to-ear smile that would make even the great Jack weep with glee (of course he'd play it off like he had something in his eye), she eyed the juicy tidbit held within her grasp. Open wide did her gaping maw and into the black depths the ill-fated plushie was hurled. Downward the jaws snapped, trapping the late night snack for the mighty muscle known colloquially as the tongue to savor it's tangy excretions while the chewing action ensued with great over-production and commercial hype (Buy now and save!). The eyes of the great beast drifted once again to the candy dish. Within, the remaining plushies quivered in fear. Her delicate hand reached into the dish in search of more prey. "Madam, I have your slippers," Pierre interrupted. "Would you like me to lick your hair now?" Snapping the lid closed and placing the container back onto the royal end table from whence it came, she answered meekly. "Yes, Pierre, that would be nice." She laid down her head on the elephant's back as the clock at her feet ticked the seconds away. *tick tick tick...* Pierre crawled onto the bed beside her and to the left of the elephant, which rested quietly at the foot of the bed. *tick tick tick...* His mouth opened and his large turquoise tongue darted out, slithering from side to side. *tick tick tick...* Watching his body move closer, Meimi squinted her eyes shut. She hated this p- *RRRRRIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGG!!!*, the clock exclaimed as it bounced around the room excitedly. ===== Page 4.2 "AAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Meimi screamed for all she was worth. What the HELL was that? She looked around to try and catch her bearings. This wasn't her chamber. This was the chamber she been given by the creepy wizard man. So, he _wasn't_ a dreamt up fictional character after all. Thank Heraclitus for that, too. If that other thing had been reality, then... her body shuddered heavily at that thought. At least this was normal, or at least what _passed_ for normal, lately. She sighed heavily for the fifth time in as many minutes. Lying back down, she closed her eyes to once again enter the sleep cycle. Except one thing still bothered her. What _WAS_ that ringing? One of her eyelids fluttered open and the squishy ocule contained within scanned the room. Quickly her focus leveled on the source of the commotion. The giant knight was banging a wooden spoon on the inside of his helmet. The noise created rung throughout the chamber. Her teeth ached from the vibrations of the din. Her whole being felt the vibrant pulses. Worst of all, she was developing a major headache. Someone was about to become the victim of a scene of an excessive violence and gore if the noise did not immediately cease and desist. "Will you quit making all that racket?! I'm up already! What do you want?" she screamed loudly and with much mal-intent at the metal monstrosity. Realizing that it might be upsetting her, he hid the spoon behind his back. His long arm reached up to return the helmet to its natural position. Both Meimi's eyes darted open and scanned the iron body. Now was her chance to see what the thing really looked like! When her gaze reached the top of the body, she beheld the image of... nothing. Absolutely nothing. All that she could see above where it's neck should've been was a pair of floating yellow orbs. The helmet locked itself into place, preventing further study. "It is time. The master wishes your presence. Follow." The giant turned to leave the chamber. "Wait! I need to... get... dressed?" The oddest sense of deja vu flooded her mind. This had all happened before! She knew it! But when? Where? And most importantly: why? Why did her head ache so badly? Her hand reached up and rubbed her throbbing cranium. White-hot lightning bolts of pain coursed through her body. She collapsed in a heap of misery on the bed. "OW!" she understated. "Are you feeling better?" the metal wonder asked, ignoring all the signs to the contrary laid out before him like so much pavement. "You hit your head pretty hard earlier-" "Do I _LOOK_ like I'm okay? My head has never hurt so much in my life and you have the _GALL_ to come in here and clang your damn helmet?! What is _WRONG_ with you?!" "I... uh... well..." "Hold on," the walking suit of armor grasped tighter onto his axe as she continued. "Hit my head? When did that happen? Didn't I just wake up?" "Well, you _did_ just wake up. For the second time today." he paused momentarily, looking for the best way to explain what happened. He sighed. "It's a long story. It would be better if Xipiquieck told it. Please come this way." Guessing she wasn't going to get anymore out of the clunky talking tin can, she followed him out of the room. ===== Page 4.21 "Ah! I see you're finally awake. Are you ready to continue?" Xipiquieck eagerly greeted her and just as eagerly skipped the casual talk and got right into business. "Continue?" Meimi looked confused. "I just woke up... for the second time, I guess. What about breakfast or something?" "Breakfast? Now? We've already eaten breakfast; it's story time now. You wasted the whole morning and nearly half the afternoon with your being knocked unconscious--" "Unconscious? What happened?" "You mean, you don't remember?" She shook her head no, in response. Xipiquieck sighed heavily. "Very well, I will enlighten you as to what transpired this morning..." ===== Page 6 Psych walked briskly down a corridor of the labyrinth, on another task given to him by his master and creator Xipiquieck-- ===== Page 4.22 "Creator?" Meimi was taken aback by this. "Yes, now be quiet." ===== Page 6.1 He was to wake up the new guest, for breakfast, a quick cup of tea and story time. Oh how he enjoyed these little tasks. It had been so song since anyone came to visit the poor old man and regale him with his or her tales. He didn't think anyone would ever show up again. Not after what happened the last time-- ===== Page 4.23 "Last time?" "Nevermind. It's not important," the old man answered hastily. Meimi looked at him puzzled. "Look, do you want to hear what happened or not?" She nodded her concent. ===== Page 6.11 When Psych reached the bedchamber, he pondered what would be the best way to wake her. He was not used to this sort of task. The master never had any need for sleep, and he, being a metaphysical entity had never even known what sleep felt like, let alone what it felt like be pulled from it. Uncertainly, he flung open the door and slammed his axe on the ground. Mumbling into her pillow, the girl made as if she was still asleep. With a resounding bellow, he announced his presence. "The master wishes to see you. Come." As soon as he said this, the girl leapt up onto the bed, confusing him. Looking at her current state of dress, the girl stated that she needed to change, so he turned around to respect her privacy. Quickly, she finished and told him she was ready to leave. As he turned to face her, he saw her trip on the bedsheets. He rushed forward to catch, but she had already fallen too far and her head collided with the headboard. Psych looked around puzzled. He did not know what to do. Nothing of this nature had ever happened before. Scared, he left the chamber in search of his master. Xipiquieck was busily reading over archived files of things past, when Psych entered his study. As best as he could, he tried to explain the situation. "...And you just left her there? Bring her to me at once!" The master was displeased with his explanation. When he had returned with the limp form in his arms, the master had already begun brewing a healing salve. "Set her on the table over there." Examining her carefully, the master checked the archived books of medicine for possible complications. As he was about to apply the salve to the purplish blue lump swelling on the poor girl's cranium, she began to mumble. "Trapped... in... the tower.... No escape..." "How interesting," Xipiquieck commented, "she's a sleep talker. Hello?" "... Hi... got to leave... must find... release..." "Can you tell me where you are?" "In... the tower entrance... weird girls... with cute guy... must escape... must find... pr..." "Find what? I didn't quite get that." "Find... a privy..." ===== Page 4.3 "A privy? I said 'find a privy'?" "Yes, you did, then you went into amazingly clear detail on how you excreted your biological waste." "I..." Meimi couldn't believe what she was hearing. "Would you like to read it? I wrote down everything. It's amazing how graphic and descriptive you can get. You have fantastic narrative form. You're truly one of the finest story tellers I've ever had the pleasure of meeting." "Thanks... I guess. What happened after... the poo story." ===== Page 6.2 Xipiquieck stood shocked as the young, sweet, innocent girl finished telling the most profane, disgusting story he had ever heard in his entire existence. All the color had drained from skin; his whole body shook in horror. Oblivious to the world, the girl's head nodded slightly and then she began to snore. A trickle of drool worked its way down her face. "She must have fallen into a deep sleep," Psych commented as Xipiquieck resisted the urge to vomit. "Take her... back to her room... I... need some alone time now..." Xipiquieck sputtered while his stomach continued to play Dance Dance Revolution on triple hard difficulty on the rest of his internal organs. Good times were not ahead. "Yes master." The giant picked up the girl and carried her back across the labyrinth. ===== Page 7 "Psych!" Xipiquieck called, feeling much better after reading several ancient logs of a slightly naughty subject matter for five hours straight. "Yes?" the behemoth appeared instantly in the threshold. "Wake the girl again and make sure she doesn't fall this time. She's had plenty of time to recover." "Yes master." Psych obediently turned around and left to carry out his assignment. ===== Page 4.4 "... So here we are now," Xipiquieck concluded. "That was... odd," Meimi commented. "I'm supposed to continue my story after all that?" "Please." Xipiquieck leaned forward, ready to begin taking notes. "I... don't know if I can. That can't all be true." Meimi began to pace back and forth think over what had happened. "I've never been the clumsy type. All my life, I've been able to walk with the utmost of grace. My mother always saaaaaai--" She was abruptly cut off, as her foot caught on a stack of books and she fell, once again, towards the floor. Xipiquieck and Psych stood looking over her unconscious form. They looked up at each other uncomfortably. "She did it again..." the metal being announced. "Great... a whole day _wasted_." Xipiquieck looked as if he would smash the girl's empty little head in if he weren't so interested in her story. ===== Page 8 "AAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Meimi screamed as she was thrust into a sitting position. The grassy field in which she sat looked as if it was crawling with little creatures. "What the...?" "Welcome to the land of the Inquasians. You must be the Parrot Baker of Legend." She turned to look and hopefully be able to identify the source of the voice. What hers eyes came to rest upon sent a message to brain that her hand needed to be brought up to her face to relax the raging tendons threatening to burst her frazzled mind. The being stood about three feet high, its skin was of a blue complexion and its body was completely hairless. The smirk on its face combined with the big, round, drooping eyes gave of the impression of sadness mixed evenly with massive amounts of insanity. As her gaze drifted downward, she was shocked by what she saw... ===== Page 0 Author's Notes: I felt extremely bored one night, so I wandered over to Beware the Radish. Lo and Behold, there at the bottom rested a brand new chibi just aching to be signed up for, so I read it. I was extremely amused by the unique narrative structure. So I figured, what the hell I have a couple days until my next DoE this'll be a fun way to kill time. And here it is: my fun way to kill time. Thank you. Thanks to Ardweden and El Ender Dos Impros, John Evans for prereading. Beware the Radish http://www.chaoseed.com/btr/ 10/27/00