I held my breath, the air painful in my lungs. It was cold and I couldn't think. I was seeing my life pass by, but that only took a few seconds. I just wondered what the point of my job was. I was the Repoter, but what do I do, especially when we are running by, tanks, angry people, water... Let me back up a bit. My name is Dave. I'm a person who is now responsible for the future of Otakuland. I've had a bad week. Let's begin FAQing Hostile: Subcultural Mutant Otaku Versus the Mundanes Chapter 16 by Ranma X. (FAQing Hostile originally created by Twoflower) After about four hours or so from New York, we entered Boston. Vixen seemed a little on edge, but I guess that's just from the fact that we had no idea whowould show up to try and kill us. I was reading the FAQ for a bit, but then Rachel and I watched some show Sherman had recommended for us called "Gundam Wing". I liked the drama and the pacing a lot, but I think Rachel was focusing on the um..lesee, I think the term is Bi-shoun? Ack, I need to keep reading... *** "Entering city center Ms. Hiroshima." Sherman alerted Vixen. "Fine. Do we have any clue as to where the item is?" "What little information I have suggests it is within a 5 mile radius." "N4n1?!" "Oh great, we get to go 'treasure hunting'," Vixen sardonically replied. "Okay Newbie. you and B1FF will cover the northern half of the sector," Vixen pointed to the upper portion of a map of a circle with a thick line cutting across it. "Me and Phreakachu will take the Southern half. Rachel, watch the fort with Sherman. If you think you found the box, notify Sherman so he can find us. Got it? Okay, get loaded up and let's go!" Vixen ordered the Team with the confidence and skill of a drill sergeant. *** It was cold outside. I hate the cold. B1FF and I found the ruins of an old bridge and began jumping from rock to larger rock and eventually we made it. On the other side was empty landscape with a few boulders strewn about every few hundred yards. "How are we going to find the box? There's nothing around here," I questioned B1FF, who just shrugged and said: "1 w1sH i kN3W mY53lF. w3 n33D t0 k33p l00k1nG 4R0unD f0R 4ny7hiNG 4t 411 th4t c0u1D b3 1t." I shighed as we began out search. For about an hour or so, we found pieces of marble and concrete. We then came across a small hill. On the top of it, there seem to be an odd figure. When I saw it, I blinked. "B1FF? Is it just me or is that really an inflatable clown on top of the hill?" "d00D, 1 d0nT 3v3n W4nn4 kN0W..." We bothe ran to the top of the hill. My suspiscions were confirmed and I was know standing face to face with a rather large inflatable clown. The odd thing was that it was eerily floating three inches above the ground. I lightly punched it in the face. We fell into a rather dark abyss... *** Log XX-XX-xxxx 15:13 CE Model: 345-1T CodeName: Sherman Rachel sat around the bridge monitoring the two teams progress. She was idly playing solitaire with a deck of Ranma playing cards as she saw the upper-most blip dispear. "The hell? That's Dave and B1FF...oh shit..." Rachel said as she walked into the armory and picked two small handguns. "Sherman, what was Dave and B1FF's last position before they diappeared." On the map was a specific X which informed Rachel that speicific information. she requested a printout of their path. She exited the tank and I kept monitoring Miss Hiroshima's progress. *** There was nothin' but junk around here. This is annoying, but I can't say anything. I don't like to seem like I'm complainin'. "Find anything yet?" "Pika Pika Pi!" Damn I hate not being able to speak English. I took a drag from my joint and looked around. I heard an odd beeping and I checked my waist. It was a distress call made by Sherman. "Pika-pi! Pika-Chu! Pikaa-Chu!" "Oh shit. Come on Phreakachu." *** My head hurt. I saw darkness, then a light. "wH0 4r3 U?" A voice said. "B1ff." "0h, 50 U 5p34K C0mM0n 2?" "Y34H." "wH0 4r3 U?" "0t4kU." "N0 K1dd1nG?" "n0." "5t4nD uP d00D." I stood up. The lights turned on and I saw what seemed to be a large hallway. Steampipes decorated the sides and it looked a bit foreboding. I woke Dave up. "Where am I?" he inquired looking confused. "U 4r3 in th3 R34lM 0F Old Kibonia." The person I had met said. He seemed to be about my height and build and had yellow spiked hair. The odd thing was that he reverted to English when referring to the place. "Wait. I thought we had no allies around here B1FF? Aren't we allied with NeoK1bo?" "1Nd33D, th3 0t4kU 4r3...Bu7, w3 4r3n'T r3l473d w17h NeoK1bo." "U'r3 n0T?" "n0. W3 4r3 th3 5ch0l4r5 and M4g3s 0F Kibo." I blinked. I don't think any of us ever knew about this. Kibologists not affiliated with NeoKibo? "5o wH4T d0 U d0 h33r d00D?" "1'll 5h0W U," he said as led us down a hallway. *** When we reached Sherman, We found Rachel missing. "Sherman, status!" "As of 15:13, we found that the signal to your Brother and Dave's beacon to be missing. Rachel left the vessel in order to locate them." "Her status." "I apologize Miss Hiroshima, but in her hurry, she did not take a signal beacon." "That baka...Give me a report on B1FF and Dave's wherabouts." Sherman gave us a printout and we were off again. *** "So you do reasearch?" I asked an old man, who was one of the tribe's leaders. "More than research m'lad. We also dig around here, where we believe Kibo existed several decades ago, in order to regain the history we may have lost. In addition we are a secret religious center where Kibology is free. We have preists of the many famous people of our religion, such as Kibo, St. Beable, and St. Simon Clark 2000." I scratched my head. "So what is Kibology?" "Um, well Dave, Kibology is a lot of things...We know what things are Kibological or not kibological and....uh....well let's just say Kibology is constantly being defined and redefined, okay?" "Okay." I said, not trying to push the point. "Father Ass-Master! We have intruders near the hill." "Send the holy soldiers." I looked around as red lights started flashing. I thought for a second and looked at my arm. The beacon had broken. "Wait! They aren't intruders!" I heard gunfire above me. *** Vixen and Phreakachu caught up with me as I was making it across the bridge. It was kinda of difficult jumping around with the leather clothes, but I did it and was ready to make it to some odd hill the path had led to. "Rachel! Where are they?!" Vixen yelled at me. "If I knew where they were, I wouldn't be looking for them Vixen!" "Whatever, let's go." We reached the top of the hill and saw an odd clown-thingy. I HATE CLOWNS! I shot it as soon as I saw it. Then the soldiers came. They numbered about 20, though only about 3 had real weapons. The others were wering pots on their heads and wielded cream pies and long melee weapons made of plastic pipe. One of them even had a shirt on that said "I hate you Bob Hope." "This is ridiculous," Vixen muttered. "Pika-Pi. PIKAAA-CHU!!!" Phreakachu said as he then jumped in the air and shocked the group. One of the people who had a gun shot into the air. Another threw his pie in the air. "Stop!" I heard Dave's voice as he ran out a hidden door. He ran in between the two groups and was hit with the cream pie. He fell to the floor in a deep sleep. *** We entered a small room and I cleaned up my face. "Sorry about that but the cream pies are laced with a sedative we came up with," they guy who hit me said. "That's fine." "Your friends should be fine. Father Ass-Master will be here soon." "Thank you," I said as we sat down at a large table. The old man returned with another preist of Kibo. "According to your friend Dave, you were looking for this," Father Ass-Master produced the box. "You had it?!" Vixen looked confused. "Why yes. A few years ago, another Otaku came and asked us to protect in case something should occur." "Ah. Was his name 'hiro' by any chance?" Vixen inquired lightly. "Why...yes I believe so," Father Ass-Master said as he handed Vixen the box. "Okay...Just wanted to know," she said smiling as she recieved the box. "I also hear you need to go to Chicago. I think I can help you out, for a price." "Shoot, old man." "Okay, We have a large barge at out disposal. You can take your tank and your crew through a large river which lies north of here. The only thing we ask in return is that you accompany our acolytes Zircona and Nick Bensema the Twenty-third," he said pointing to the other two Kibologists in the room. "They will accompany you to Chicago and then be on their way as they are looking for a town known as Evanston. So, Is it a bargain?" Vixen thought for a second. She then nodded and said. "Okay. give us coordinates for where the barge is." *** Back in the tank, I asked Vixen a question. "5I5! h0W 4r3 w3 g01ng t0 m0v3 1t? 1t'5 4 b4Rg3!" "Simple. Wait." "Huh?" Dave asked as we heard a large noise nearby. I opened Sherman's hatch and stepped outside. I understood as hiro, kenishi, and Arashi exited the Ruroni. Vixen squeezed her way out of the tank as she simply yelled: "Follow us!" We entered the tank and I sent Sherman towards the coordinates. *** We came to a large harbor of some sort and we saw the barge. It wasn't terribly big, but it was large enough and I exited the tank. "Why are we here Vixen?" Kenishi asked me. hiro looked at me with narrow eyes, but I ignored him after a few seconds. "I'll explain in a moment." I said as I entered the tank. Zircona and Nick had already opened the loading ramp and we moved up onto the barge. I exited and grabbed hold of a long piece of very heavy rope. "Here Kenishi. You're going to be dragging us north onto a large river." "WHAT?!" "You heard me! Sherman has already sent you the coordinates and travel plans. We need to hurry. Chicago is a few days away! O-OHOHOHOHO!!" I said laughing as B1FF stuck his head out of the tank. "1 tH1nK 5h3'5 m4D c4u53 h1r0 d1dn'7 t311 u5 4b0ut th3 K1b0l0g1s7s..." Arashi and Kenishi looked at hiro who sweatdropped a bit. Kenichi then nodded and I threw the rope to him and he tied it the the Ruroni. We made our way to the "St. Lawrence" as the Kibologists said it was called. *** I decided to give Nick a tour of the tank, which was rather brief and explained that we needed to find the other boxes for something improtant. He nodded, though he wasn't prodding and I asked him if we might have any difficulty. "Well, if there wasn't, we would have left weeks ago. However we need to watch out for the DOMINION." "DOMINION?" "Yes Dave. The DOMINION of CANADA," Nick said, which prompted me to shudder. "What are they like." "No one really knows, but they speak an odd language and are known to be extremely arrogant. When they speak English or Common, they tend to say "aboot" and "eh" a lot as well. They are dangerous freaks of nature, but we think you can handle them...right?" Nick encouraged me to smile as he said it. I told Nick to tell Vixen what he just said and then facefaulted. *** I woke Dave up as we began hearing shots. It had been a few days since we left port and we were entering a huge lake. Zirconaa and Nick said that Chicago was still a few more days away. We entered the main room as B1FF was aiming the main gun. "What's going on?" "C4n4dI4n5 4t 3 0' cL0Ck!" "Are Phreakachu and Vixen outside?" I asked B1FF and he nodded. "Come on Dave!" I yelled as I gave him a gun and we stood on top of the hatch. There were 50 Canadians, dressed in furs, shooting at us while singing: "Alouette, gentille Alouette! Alouette, je te plumerai! Je te plumerai la tête! Je te plumerai la tête! Et la tête! Et la tête! Alouette! Alouette! O-o-o..." While it was slightly frightening to me, Dave paled. I quickly fired my weapon and was able to take out a few. I then jumped into the tank as Dave began to fire. He tried to jump down, like I did, but he wasn't as careful as I was and fell off the hatch and fell into the water. *** I was firing shot up and down the barge when I heard Dave scream. I threw my gun to Nick and yelled: "Don't be a wimp Kid and start shooting." I threw myself into the water and began looking for him. *** I held my breath, the air painful in my lungs. I didn't know what was left. I should have learned how to swim, but everyone though I had a future as a dancer with my other guy friends. I opened my eyes and I could see a shape in the water. It was Vixen. I felt relieved as she grabbed my outstretched hand and helped me to the surface. *** End Chapter 16 Author notes: AH! I can't believe I had so much trouble doing this. I tried to get something, anything on paper and I ended writing the damn thing on Sunday after sleeping for about 27 hours or so. 0% pre-reading 0% spell checking(don't have one) 0% caring It's impro, get over it. Whatever. I have Wings of Fate to worry about. Yeah yeah. I'll give you the drafts to read ravi, Ard. Thanks Sunburst project for jumpstarting me on the chapter. Ranma X. "Formating errors can be adressed by making your hand into a fist, then moving that hand as far away from you as possible, then, keeping that hand stiil, quickly and forcefully run towards your hand."