Lawrence Chu was a very bored Chu. He stretched his arms toward the ceiling and yawned. Scratching the back of his neck, he decided he'd been alone with his DVDs long enough, and it was time to go out and mingle. Yes, mingle. After moving towards the door, Lawrence fumbled with the doorknob, trying to turn it. When he succeeded, he took a step outside and blinked as his eyes adjusted to the light. He just stood there for a moment, looking at the opposite wall. Then he felt something on his ankle. It hurt. Oh yes, did it hurt. But before Lawrence could do anything, his ankles had been chewed off! Aaaah! Isn't it scary?! Falling to the ground, Lawrence's blood began to form a puddle around him. Biting back a yelp and a half, his eyes began to water. "Owie..." he started as he looked up and saw a figure begin to walk towards him. It was wearing a black cloak and a white mask, like the one in that movie. You know the one, right? That one, with the people? And the shouting? And that guy in the cloak? Yeah, that one! The figure quickened its pace as Lawrence tried to drag himself away to no avail. The camera panned out of view of the scene as soon as the horrible wailing and maiming began. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ I M P R O P A R T Y ChApTer 29: Scream, Party! SCREAM! Written by: Myth and Ravi! Started by: Woofer! ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ "Like, where the heck did I, like, leave my nail?" A stray bimbo, who had been separated from the pack *shudder*, wandered back into Chez Impro. There was only one reason she was here. She was on a quest to, like, find her lost nail. She searched high. She searched low. She ran into Jonatan who giggled insanely as he passed. She entered the hallway that Jonatan had just left and encountered a whole lot of doors. Eyeing the first one closely, she slowly opened the door and stepped in. Turning on the light, she stepped into the center of the room and looked around. "Wow! This is a huge room! But, like, what's that red stuff on the bed? And the walls, and the carpet, and the ceiling? Like, what happened here?" Sitting on a non-red portion of the bed, the bimbo thought hard. The bimbo wasn't used to the strain and thus hurt her brain. Standing up again to her full height of 5'11" (she's a supermodel, you know), she felt something scrape against her head. She looked up. "Like, AAAAH! THERE'S, LIKE, A DEAD DUDE IN HERE AND HE'S, LIKE, TOTALLY MESSING UP MY HAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIR!!!!!!!" And the valley girl bolted from the room and away from Lawrence, who was hung from the ceiling fan by his neck, having been strangled by the cloak he was wearing. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ "Okay, Eslington! You gotta see what I found!" "Fine, Myth. Will it maim/hurt/decapitate/eviscerate/puke on/kill me?" "Nope!" "All right, then. Let's see it." Myth reached into the pocket of her velvet jacket and brought out a small, smooth silver/purple/pink/fuschia, cats-eye stone (with sprinkles!), about 3/4 inch in diameter. It glowed as she lifted it up towards Eslington's face, and he ooh'ed and aah'ed at it. Tittering, Myth bapped him in the nose with it and spun around. "What does it do, Myth-chan?" "It's a Wardrobe Materia!" "...Right. And what do you plan on doing with it?" "Take a guess. What does every anime fan want to do?" "Get with Megumi Hayashibara?" "No, baka! Cosplay!" Eslington perked up noticeably. "Really?" "Yeah! Why do you think they call it Wardrobe Materia?" Myth said sarcastically as she gently pushed Eslington into the wall. "And who do you think we should cosplay as? We have to match because it wouldn't be as fun if we didn't!" Eslington rubbed his chin for a moment, then decided. "We should go as Ryouga and Ukyou! Nothing says cool like an oversized spatula!" "I was thinking more along the lines of Squall and Rinoa..." Eslington pouted at the purple-haired girl. "But Ukyou and Ryouga are fun!" Myth grabbed Eslington's chin and brought his face close to hers. She looked into his eyes, and then moved her mouth closer to his ear. Eslington could feel her breath, feel her every movement, feel-- "BUT I WANNA DRESS UP AS RINOA!!!" "ACK!" Holding the Materia in front of her with one hand, she braced herself and began to whisper a chant of some sort. Suddenly, the Materia lifted from her hands and began to spin wildly. Myth closed her eyes and held both hands in front of her, when a blast came off the stone, and a cry of "Wardrobe! Squall and Rinoa!" was heard. After the smoke cleared, Eslington pushed himself off the ground. Now *THAT* had been interesting. Dusting himself off, he noticed his pants were awful... leathery. And he had on a bunch of belts. A *LOT* of belts... Oh no! Myth had turned him into Squall! Marching over to Myth who had been knocked over by the blast, Eslington harrumphed at her. Coughing slightly, Myth got up. She looked at herself and noticed the blue costume. "Hey! It worked!" Looking up at Eslington, her jaw nearly hit the floor. "Sweet Buddha, Eslington! You look HOT in leather!" "..." was all Eslington had to say in response. "Look, Myth. Let me have the Materia..." "No! Then you'll turn us into that stupid Ranma couple you like!" "Stupid?! And how do you think we look right now?!" "I dunno how I look, but you look h--" "Oh, quiet. Listen, I have a proposition..." Eslington trailed as he made his way over to Myth and began whispering in her ear. "Hey, that's actually pretty good..." ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ "I wonder what Myth's doing with Eslington..." wondered Mark Poa. "Well if I know Myth," answered HottCoffee. "There's a chance he may not survive for us to see the results..." "Hey, what's that?" asked BlackMage, pointing to the entrance of the living room. It was Myth and Eslington... Sort of. They were wearing funky clothes, like there was a Final Fantasy VIII train and a Ranma 1/2 train, and they had run into each other. Myth wore Rinoa's long blue over-coat thing, arm cuffs, necklace, undershirt, and shoes, but she also had Ukyou's spatula, hair bow, and leggings. On the other hand, Eslington wore leather. Lots and lots of leather. If HottCoffee hadn't caught herself, she might have started to drool. The outfit consisted of Squall's pants, jacket, necklace, and boots, but it had Ryouga's bandana, shirt, and leg wrappings. He also held a curious looking thing... A gun-umbrella? "Nice outfits, guys," commented HottCoffee. "But why?" "Well," said Myth. "I wanted us to cosplay as Squall and Rinoa..." "And I wanted to us to dress as Ryouga and Ukyou," continued Eslington. "I didn't feel comfortable with all that leather..." "And I didn't want to wear a chest wrap," said Myth. "So we compromised on Ryouga Leonhart and Rinoa Kuonji." "Neat," commented HottCoffee. "Coffee-chan, I was meaning to ask you. What did you do to Jesse, anyways?" "Oh, nothing. I just blew him into next Tuesday." Sitting all alone in next Tuesday, Jesse Ellman the Mime sat alone in a lonely manner. Back in this week, Myth-chan excused herself from the living room to go to the kitchen. She had the strangest craving for popcorn. She didn't know why, but she did. Throwing a bag of the nummy corny goodness in the microwave, Myth sat on a stool. Suddenly, the phone rang. Myth jumped slightly, as she hadn't realized the phone was there. Light and easy to lift, the phone was in Myth's hand in a matter of seconds. "Hello?" "What's your favorite scary anime?" "Hello Kitty. Goodbye," Myth retorted without skipping a beat. As soon as she hung up the phone, it rang again. "What's your favorite anime movie?" the raspy voice on the other end repeated. Myth paused for a second, then replied. "Are you serious, or are you trying to scare me?" "What's your favorite anime movie?" "Look, you freak. It's supposed to go 'What's your favorite *SCARY* movie?' Now get it right before I track you down and play hopscotch with your nuts!" "...What's your favorite scary movie?" "There we go." "Well, what is it... Myth?" Myth paused again. "H-How do you know who I am?" *click!* Myth sat and stared at the phone for a few moments, then walked out of the kitchen as soon as the microwave began to beep. Standing in front of the group on the couches, Myth started, "Hey, some weird guy called me up and did the Scream thing. Think something's up?" "Naw," Mark said as he shrugged. "But hey..." He stood up. "...I gotta go get some stuff. I'll be back." Before Mark could get out, HottCoffee grabbed his arm and exclaimed, "You stupid idiot! You don't say 'I'll be back' and then leave the room! The people that do that always die!" "That's stupid," Mark said as he made a face. As soon as he set one foot outside the door, he paused as if expecting something. Then, he took one more step, looked up, and a 10-ton weight fell from the ceiling directly onto Mark's head. With a nasty crunching sound, the four people still in the room shuddered slightly. "Well, I warned him," HottCoffee said as she shrugged. Soon, scampering was heard, and a figure in a Scream outfit came by, waved to Myth, Eslington, Black Mage, and HottCoffee, then got a vacuum cleaner and sucked up the remains of Mark Poa. Waving again, the figure fled up the stairs. "Now that was odd," Eslington quirked as he rubbed his chin. "Hell, at least he cleans up after himself," Myth retorted. Sitting in silence for a moment or two, the group formed itself. HottCoffee took charge for a moment. "Okay. Me, Myth, and Eslington will go and try and track down the killer. BlackMage, darling, you get to stay here. Hope you don't die, honey!" Eslington and Myth followed HottCoffee out of the room, leaving a lonely BlackMage with a twitching eye alone in the room to receive his fate. Which was absolutely nothing, considering he hopped into his hat about five minutes later. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Montae wandered the halls of the upper level of Chez Impro, the infamous Hallway of Bedrooms! *trumpet fanfare* This was where the [NOOKIE] happened. Oh yeah. Montae wasn't looking for [NOOKIE], though. He was looking for something else. A way out. Having gotten lost in the hallway over half an hour ago, he had been searching high and low for the exit. It was just not possible! These hallways intertwined into a maze! Hearing a low moan coming from behind one of the doors, Montae stopped. Looking at the door quizzically, he walked over to the door, grasped the handle, and pulled the door open. What he saw would have given Satan him/herself nightmares for a week. Someone was strapped spread eagle on the far wall. He looked like he had horrible burns or something, and the skin from his shoulders up was gone. He looked like he was bleeding from every pore, dripping the red liquid onto the floor. Then, Montae realized that his genitalia had been removed. Montae hissed in sympathetic pain as he imagined how that would feel. Suddenly, the figure looked at Montae with pleading eyes. In a weak voice, the person said, "I-I'm Chris Nichols... Please... Kill me... Make the pain stoAAAAAUGH!!!" Montae looked to the left of the body and saw a figure in black sticking a tazer up what looked to be the man's backside. The man screamed in agony, then died abruptly. Montae could barely make himself run away as the figure in black waved cheerily at him. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Wandering Chez Impro, Myth now headed the small group of serial killer hunters. Somehow managing to get themselves to the hall of bedrooms upstairs, Myth spotted Tameran wandering around. "Hey Tam-tam!" Looking up from the floor, the sorcerer smiled. "Hello, m'lady." "Have you seen a guy in a cloak running around with a vacuum cleaner?" "...No," Tameran replied as he sweatdropped. Really, he thought Myth was a nice girl but she was kinda weird sometimes... "Okay then Tam-Tam!" Myth smiled as she hugged him. "See you around later!" The group continued on their way, but the perspective decided to stay with the dusty sorcerer. "I wonder what they are looking for..." Tameran stopped suddenly when he heard a creak. Listening intently for a little while, he heard 3 more creaks and the sound of a quarter hitting the floor. Suddenly, a black cloaked figure in a scream mask pounced on the sorcerer. Throwing the thing to the floor Tameran quickly readied a fireball which he promptly threw in the figures general direction. The figure held up a mirror like object with something written on it. What did it say? ACME Magic Mirror? Casts reflect automatically? "Oh fu--" Before he could finish uttering his obscenity, he was engulfed by the fireball he had thrown. Once the smoke cleared, the figure in black could be seen dragging the charred corpse down the hallway, whistling the tune of "Firestarter." ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Eslington halted the group for a moment, just in time to hear the 'FWOOSH!' of a stray fireball. "Hmm, I wonder what happened." HottCoffee patted Eslington on the back. "Don't worry about it. Just keep going." Walking straight ahead, they heard muffled insane laughter coming from the bedroom directly to their right. Myth looked at the door quizzically then grasped the doorknob and pulled it open. "Oh, you will be-- Hey, Myth," Phoebe, who just so happened to be on the other side of the door, said. "Umm, what brings you here?" Myth smiled at the brown-haired girl. "Oh, we were just looking for the person that was running around killing everyone. Are you the person that's been running around killing everyone?" "No..." Phoebe replied as she quirked her eyebrow. "Are you?" "If I were why would I be looking for him/her?" "Okay," Phoebe said as she smiled. "Maybe we should, like, go and find him/her before we get killed, and stuff!" *kawaii-smile* Eslington stepped into the room. "So you'll come with us?" "Yeah," Phoebe said as she nodded her head. "Why is this room covered with runic symbols?" HottCoffee pondered as she walked into the room. Phoebe was about to answer when Myth interrupted her. "You know our late Woofer and his very odd decorative tastes. He probably wanted a scary room, or something." Phoebe nodded vigorously. "Hai, Myth-chan!" Suddenly, the phone rang. After the second ring, HottCoffee made her way over to the phone and picked it up. "Yo." "What's your favorite scary anime?" "Kodocha. Later." *click* *RING!* Sighing, Coffee picked the phone back up. "Hm?" "Don't hang up on me HottCo--" "Well then don't call me back, BITCH! When I hang up on someone, that means I don't want to talk to them, and I obviously don't wanna talk to you, you freak! Now shut your ass up and quit calling!" *SLAM!* A moment of silence. "What?" HottCoffee asked as everyone quit staring at her. Then, they decided to move. The original trio left the room, leaving Phoebe behind for a short soliloquy. Phoebe decided to throw the soliloquy, and thus left the room, slamming the door behind her. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Mechalink scowled as he trudged slowly down the street. He looked at a scrap on paper in his hand, then up at the buildings. He was almost there, he told himself. Just a little further... His feet were beginning to hurt. He was so sure he'd be the first to get to the Impro Party. Cham and Falcon were no doubt left way behind, falling prey to their methods of conveyance. He grinned, thinking how long it would take Cham to arrive by llama-back from Indiana. Even if it _was_ a sooper-dooper turbo llama. Mechalink sighed. It wasn't his fault that his mecha had broken down three miles down the road. And for some reason, no one wanted to give him a jump start. His spirits rose as he caught sight of a house sitting in the middle of a patch of sand. A number of cars and other methods of transportation were scattered all around it. This had to be the place. Mechalink broke into a run, smiling in glee. He was here! At Impro Party!! He was going to be a part of the wild, crazy fun!!! He too could join in the exclamation point abuse!!!! He hopped up onto the front porch and jabbed at the door bell. He bounced anxiously. He had gotten here first, after all. He couldn't wait to rub that in Cham and Falcon's collective face. The door opened. Omi no Miko peered out at the newcomer. "You aren't a shinypants salesman, are you?" "Hi! I'm MechaURK--" He tumbled forward, a rubber chicken sticking out of his back. The co-founder of Team K called out from within. "Bitch!" Omi peered at him closer. "I think he's dead." Team K assembled around the body and kicked it a couple times. The Immensely Powerful Kristen Smirnov spoke. "Oh man, now how will Ultra get done? Damn unreliable newbies." ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ "GO FISH!" "What are you talking about? You have three twos!" "No I don't." "Yes you do. Right there." Jonatan and NeoVid began to fight and growl over the cards as Myth came up to them. "Hey guys. Have you seen some guy in a Scream mask run around here?" Jonatan looked up at Myth. "Yeah, 'Neechan. He came by and tried to kill 'Vid, but didn't quite succeed." "Yeah, he threw me into the damn piranha tank. Sure, they're good with ketchup, but they give you this weird feeling inside when you eat them whole..." Quirking an eyebrow at the man, she returned her attention to Jonatan. "Anyway, where did he go?" "Oh, after a good game of poker with the Winner-Gets-Shot-In-The-Head rule on, he kinda just scampered that way." Jonatan pointed down the hallway towards the karaoke room. Myth turned to see Eslington, HottCoffee, and Phoebe staying as far away as they could from the weird psychoshounen boys. Personally, she couldn't blame them. "Thanks, 'niichan. That'll help us some." *smile* As Myth and the rest of the group began to walk away, NeoVid turned to Jonatan. "Y'know, she really is kinda cute. You could sell her to--" "Don't you even dare say it," Jonatan replied flatly as he laid out his two and plucked a two from NeoVid's hand. "My 'neechan. Not yours. Biiiida." ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Passing by a bathroom, HottCoffee began to get thirsty. "Ne, Myth-chan. Do you think that the tap water is okay to drink?" "I'm not sure. Exactly how thirsty are you?" "Very." "Willing to take the risk?" "What could happen?" *Dramatic chord in music* Taking a glass from the medicine cabinet in front of the sink, she turned on the faucet, which sputtered for a moment then began to flow. After filling the glass about halfway, she put the cup to her lips and downed the cool liquid. Odd. It didn't taste like water... Ravi looked at the glass in Coffee's hand as the glass began to deteriorate due to the liquid in the glass. Putting two and two together, Ravi decided water wasn't supposed to do that. "Coffee! That isn't water!" But by that time, it was too late. HottCoffee fell to her knees coughing up blood. Her eyes leaked as she began to whimper in agony. Myth hugged herself to Eslington as Phoebe and Ravi tried to do something about the girl dying before them. Falling to her side, HottCoffee began to cry blood. The acid that she had drank was eating her from the inside out, devastating her internal system. She was going to die, but why did it have to hurt so much? Coughing up some more blood, HottCoffee began to weakly whimper pleas of mercy. "Help me... make it stop hurting... It hurts so bad... Myth-chan... Ravi... Esli... Phoebe... Make it stop..." Lifting her blood and tear streaked face, she gave the group one last pleading look before her body went limp and she died. "Ne, Ravi," Myth began, looking up from HottCoffee's corpse. "When'd you get here?" "I have always been here." *thwap* "Ow." ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Cham dismounted from Guido, his trusty South American steed. He removed the saddlebags, and patted his llama on the neck. "Good boy," he said, almost cooing. "I'll get you some nice HUMAN FLESH for dinner, okay?" "Wark?" Guido warked, raising a shaggy eyebrow. "Just kidding. I'll get you some nice fresh Spam, okay?" "Wark wark!" Cham slung his backs over his shoulder and made his way to the front door. He turned around, looking over the improvised parking lot. Nope, no mecha. Which meant he was the first one there. "Wahoo!" he exclaimed. Reaching forward with his free hand, he pressed the door bell. He hummed to himself, waiting for the door to open. The door creaked open behind him quietly, and someone stepped out behind him. The figure reached out for him. Cham spun around as he felt a cold hand fall on his shoulder. "Gah!" he exclaimed as he turned to face... "Booyaka!" Katy greeted him, blinking in surprise as he facefaulted. "Are you okay?" Cham got up, dusting himself off. "Yeah, I'm fine. I'm Cham, by the way." "Good to meet you, Chum!" "That's Cham." "Oh. Sorry, Chet." "_Cham._" "Charles?" "CHAM!" "Falcon?" "Tsk tsk. Now you're doing it on purpose..." Cham sighed. True, he was crashing the party, but still... was that any reason to belittle him? "No, she was talking to me," Falcon said, putting his hand on Cham's shoulder. Cham jumped and wheeled around again. "Eep! When did you get here?" "Just now." Falcon shrugged and stuck his hands into the pockets of his Blue Jacket of Infinite Pocketspace. He dug around, looking for a banana-and-ham sandwich. He frowned as he pulled out a wallet instead. "Hey, why isn't this working?" He flipped the wallet open. "Jonatan Streith? Isn't he one of the Do-Gooder's crew?" Cham nodded. "Why do you have his wallet?" Katy peered at the wallet. "I wonder if your Jacket of Infinite Pocketspace is interfering with his Labcoat of Infinite Pocketspace." "That would suck. I mean--" Falcon was cut off by a loud thumping noise. Cham, Katy, and Falcon blinked as the dead body of Greg came tumbling down the stairs. "Wow. Lively place," Cham sweatdropped. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ "So why are we splitting up again, Myth?" Eslington asked. "I thought strength in numbers was a good thing..." "Duh," Phoebe answered. "Dramatic necessity." "Damn." "Yup." ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Steam billowed from one of the bathrooms. Over the sound of running water, someone was heard singing "Gonna wash that man right outta mah hair, I'm gonna wash that man right outta mah hair" with remarkable gusto. Humming right along, the cloaked and masked figure sauntered into the bathroom. The song ended with a two-part harmony. From behind the conveniently opaque shower curtain, a woman let out a throaty laugh. "I didn't think we had any real talent around here. What else do you know?" Rather than answering, the figure raised its implement of death and stabbed it through the shower curtain. He felt it pierce through a tough membrane -- cartilage, he figured -- and then felt a warmth gush over his gloved hand. There was no sound from inside. He pulled back the curtain. Stephica stared at him, one eyebrow quirked. Her right hand was fisted and on her wet, naked hip. Her left held a critically wounded bottle of body wash. Her tone was acid when she spoke: "I'll have you know, that was my LAST bottle of imported lavender body wash. Do you have ANY idea how much trouble I went through to GET that?" The cloaked figure sweatdropped. "No," Stephica said quietly, "I don't suppose you do." And she smashed the showerhead into his skull. Yelping in pain, the figure stumbled back against the sink while Stephica leapt out of the shower, threw an elbow into his gut, and continued out into the adjacent bedroom. Rather than making the mistake of B-movie actresses everywhere and pausing to throw on any clothes, she grabbed the vanity chair and brought it around into her assailant's chest as he charged through the doorway. It shattered like a B-movie prop, though. The figure's hand closed around the attractive blonde's wrist, but being still wet and slightly soapy and naked, she slid easily out of his grasp and dashed towards the door. The doorknob, true to form, came off in her hand. Cursing, she whirled and hurled the damnable thing with deadly accuracy into her assailant's face. Stephica, three. Cloaked Murderous Freak, zero. Mind racing to think of another weapon, the blonde dove for the closet, hoping to lay hands on a hanger she could mangle into some semblance of deadly artillery. She hurriedly shuffled through plastic hanger after plastic hanger, hurling some at the figure quickly approaching her. Outraged, Stephica shrieked, "NO MORE WIRE HANGERS?!" Before it could turn into a bad Joan Crawford scene, Stephica's vision went mercifully dark. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Chaos lounged on a sofa, watching partygoers wander past. She idly shuffled and reshuffled a deck of cards. Beside her, John was rummaging in his black canvas bag. She pulled a card out of the deck and looked at it -- the two of Clubs. John sighed and put his bag to one side. "Ah, well." "Find it?" Chaos asked. He turned to her and blinked. "Find what?" "What you were looking for." She pulled another card out of the deck -- the three of Clubs. John smiled at her card. "Was I looking for something?" "Have you suddenly decided to answer every question with a question?" She grinned, and pulled out the Queen of Clubs. "Have I been hanging around you too long?" He rubbed his chin. "Is that a trick question?" Chaos pulled out the ace of clubs, and blinked at it. John glanced around. "Is it just me, or is not much happening around here recently?" "How am I supposed to know if it's just you?" The jack of clubs. Suddenly he turned to her, eyes gleaming. "Chaos...are you pondering what I'm pondering?" Chaos tilted her head to the side. "I think so, Squall...but where are we going to get an angel at this time of night?" "You have the most appropriate name of anyone I've ever met, my friend." "Why wasn't that in the form of a question?" "Is it just me, or did that scene make no sense?" Ravi asked as they passed through the living room on their way to the stairs. "Do you really want to know?" Phoebe replied, a look of something approaching annoyance showing on her face. Ravi shrugged as if to say no. He followed her up the steps. "You ever get the feeling you're in a really bad self-insertion?" "Where did that come from?" Phoebe asked, pausing abruptly in mid-step. Ravi bumped into her, sending her tumbling onto the stairs ahead. "Um, sorry," Ravi said apologetically, reaching forward to help her up. "Would you believe that was an accident?" "Let's drop this silly gag," Phoebe said. "I'm getting sick of questions, aren't you?" "See, that's exactly what I mean, you see?" Ravi exclaimed. "It's almost as though we're being jerked around from place to place, seemingly without cause. We spout lines we never would in real life, and are , subjected to all sorts of silliness, and though there were some Cosmic Author toying with us. Or am I just really off-base?" "You're weird, you know that?" Phoebe smiled. Turning around, she skipped up the last few steps to the top. She turned again, to face Ravi as he came up the stairs. "You realize you're still speaking in questions, yesno?" Ravi asked, a look of amusement on his face. "Curse you." "So what are we up here for again?" Ravi asked, after a momentary pause. Phoebe shrugged. "Looking for stuff. Clues." Ravi furrowed his brow. After a moment's deliberation, he smiled. "That works." Hopping up the last step, he began singing. "Psycho killer, qu'est-ce que c'est? Fa fa fa faa fa fa fa fa faa f-" "Stop that," Phoebe commanded. "Urk. Stopped." Phoebe stepped up to the first door and turned the knob. "Might as well begin here." Ravi nodded. After Phoebe didn't move, he leaned forward and whispered, "What's wrong?" "Shh. Listen to the strings in the background. This is supposed to be a Dramatic Moment." "Well, it certainly doesn't feel like one," Ravi said. "The pacing and mood are all off. I think the writer should be taken out back and shot. He sucks." "Baka!" Phoebe said as she thwapped him with her free hand. "Let's go." She pushed open the door. They were greeted by a sight neither of them really ever expected to see. Stephica lay naked half-inside the closet, her neck twisted at an impossible angle. Blood issued forth from a single stab wound at the base of her ribs. Strewn all about her were countless hangers, clothes, and other items. "Poor Stephie." Ravi nodded in agreement. "No kidding. What a way to go." He sniffed at the air. "Hey, let's grab some lunch. I'm hungry." "How about some red rope licorice?" "Let's leave the dead in peace, Phoebe," Ravi answered, pulling Phoebe toward the door. "C'mon, she won't miss it," she grinned. "And not all of it is blood- soaked, you know?" "Phoebe!" he exclaimed, mildly scandalized. She stepped closer to him. He became aware of her perfume, even over all of the other scents in the room. Light and delicate, gracefully innocent... and totally unlike Phoebe. "You know what I'm thinking?" she asked. "Um, Phoebe? Remember Hentai Rule #236? The villain will always catch the hero and heroine in flagrante delicto." "This isn't a hentai game, Ravi-kun." She smiled, a predatory gleam in her eyes. She began to slowly unbutton his shirt... ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ In the darkest recesses of the house -- well, okay, it was in the rose garden -- two men were squaring off, preparing for battle. "I'm telling you, I am the evilest Aaron there is!" they both shouted in unison. Epsilon glared at Shattuck. Shattuck glared at Epsilon. "What about me?" Aaron Pinnick asked, only to be met by the Evil Glares of Aaron Peori and Aaron Shattuck. "I think I will go tune my guitar now. Haveanicedaygooddaybye!" He ran away, gibbering in Ancient Atlantean. "So, Shattuck," Epsilon started. "What makes you think you could possibly be more evil than I?" He placed his hand on his chest for emphasis. "I am the very embodiment of evil. Ask anyone at Impro." Aaron Shattuck grinned. "_I_ am not only known for being for being a perverse and sick individual, I have won award for it!" "Take your chicken balls and snort them," Epsilon retorted derisively. "I do think I detect a note of envy in your voice!" Shattuck proclaimed, a smile growing on his face. Well, he was already smiling. It got bigger. "I despise you." "Likewise." The two Aarons (not to be confused with The Two Coreys) glared at each other some more. The author would like to point out that if this were H! flash, there would be a moment of HOT PSEUDOYAOI ACTION right here. But this isn't, alas. Back to the story. "[RAGE]," spoke a hissed voice. Aaron and Aaron wheeled in surprise, looks of shock growing on their faces. Aaron spoke first. "Y- y- you!" He backpedalled. "Why?" "[DIE]." They did. Messily. "There can be only one," the cloak-clad figure said. He then broke into a loud, long cackle. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Ravi turned away from the bed, tears forming in his eyes. He picked his shirt up from where it had been hastily cast to the side. Slipping into it, he began to button it up. "Damn it, Phoebe," he said bitterly. "I... I feel so used." Phoebe pouted prettily. "But Ravi, I thought you wanted to do it.." "That's beside the point. I'm never going to let you convince me to donate blood again." He held out his arm emphatically. "I bruise easily." "I know." Phoebe grinned ferally. She put the bag of plasma in a medical cooler that happened to be conveniently nearby. She held out a bandage with pictures of Card Captor Sakura on it. "Want me to kiss your booboo and make it better?" "Eep." ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Montae wandered into the gaming room, wondering where the others had gotten off to. There had to be an exit somewhere in this mad, mad building. He spied a lone figure, sitting at a computer. The person was unmoving except for his hands, his gaze locked on the screen in front of him. "Hey man," Montae called out. "You know how to get out of here?" The other person giggled, almost insanely. "The offline world is so limited." "The offline world?" Montae blinked. Oh great, he thought, another one of those damn computer dweebs. "What do you mean?" The man raised a hand and gestured dismissively at the room around him. "All of this. The real world, as you call it. True consciousness begins online." "Real life is offline?" "Ah, but that's out-of-date terminology! It's a full sensory interactive experience! The technology is kind of old, and the interface is rather buggy. And depending on which version you get, it can be quite expensive," he said, a fanatical gleam in his eyes. He never once stopped staring at the screen. "You're downloading patches for Anime Hentai Strip Poker, aren't you?" "Oh da hell yeah." A thin trail of drool made its way down his jaw. Montae nodded, and muttered under his breath, "Otaku." Shaking his head, he decided to head over back into the dining room area. If he couldn't find Myth and the others, at least he could get some booze. "Belldandy-chan! Come to Daddy!" Montae facepalmed, but went on his way. He was on a mission. He backtracked his way to the kitchen, kicking himself mentally as he realized he'd forgotten about the patio door. Walking to it, he tried to slide it open, but it was stuck. Montae swore loudly. He looked over to the bar, where Zombie Elvis was NOT serving drinks, and Ura was NOT getting pleasantly wasted on Peach Schnapps. He scowled and stepped up to the abandoned bar, pouring himself a drink. He took a sip and sat down on a stool. He finished his drink and threw the glass across the room into the sink, where it managed not to break. An idea came to him. Montae plopped down next to the wall socket. It had been a little while since he had been able to play his Neo Geo Pocket Color, so he figured why not now? Plugging it into the wall socket, he was greeted by a happy little tune. Do-do-do-da-do-do-dum-de-do... Suddenly, Montae felt a jolt go through his arms. It didn't exactly hurt, but it wasn't very pleasant. Another jolt rushed through his body as he arched his back. Then, another stronger jolt that lasted rushed through his body, causing him to buck and shudder in pain. He was being electrocuted. He screamed once, loud and long, and then he died, smoke pluming out of his nose, mouth, and ears, the palms of his hands charred black. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Angelcat, Jeff, and Samantha finally managed to break down the door. No one had answered when they had knocked, so they decided to let themselves in. By breaking down the door. "Gee, where is everyone?" Angelcat asked, looking around the empty living room. "I dunno..." Jeff replied. "Maybe we should go look for them," Samantha said. At that exact moment, a stout figure in a black cloak and white mask sprinted in front of them, wielding an axe. Suddenly, it stopped and turned towards them. Slowly making its way towards them, it raised its ax. "What do you suppose he's going to do with that?" Angelcat asked, eyeing the figure. "I dunno, but maybe if we stand still, it won't see us..." Jeff replied. Samantha thwapped Jeff. "Stupid!" And then, the figure ran past them, into the next room. "Aaiiiieeeee!" came a cry from the next room. "The pain! The excruciating pain! My spleeeeeen!" "Hey, anyone want to make a quick run to Baskin-Robbins?" Angelcat asked nervously. Jeff and Samantha nodded quickly. "That'd be a good idea, I think," Samantha said. "You drive." ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Delfina was on the prowl. Or on the warpath. One of the two. Or maybe she was merely worriedly wandering. Maybe all three. Does it really matter? She was alone, which did worry her, because that is Not Good when there is a psychotic running about. She was on the warpath because someone had eaten the last of the Godiva Pecan Caramel Truffle ice cream that she'd been saving. And she was on the prowl for double-A batteries. Her NeoGeo Pocket was dead. Delfina sniffled. How was she supposed to drool over Kim Kaphwan if she couldn't bring him to life in a startling 64 colors, right in the palm of her hand? The world was soooo unfair. She was entertaining thoughts of eating Steph's ice cream, when she heard a soft shriek and felt the floor shake. She turned to see someone barreling toward her. "Tsuin-chan! There you a-" Delfina was cut off as Ardweden threw herself into her arms. "Delfi! You have to save me!" Ardweden cried, hugging her twin closely. Her hair was in disarray, her clothing was disheveled, and she looked like she'd just run the Boston marathon. In flip-flops. "What's wrong? Is the killer after you?" Delfina unslung her mallet and readied it. "Don't worry. We can stomp 'im! (Ne, where's your lute?)" "(It's a long story, too long to go into. Actually, it's a plot contrivance, so let's just get on with it.)" Ardweden pulled away from her sister and tried to catch her breath. "It's worse than the Slasher. It's... FANBOYS!" Off in the distance, Delfina heard the pitter-patter of foot steps, and the faint cries of 'Ard-chan! Wai!' and 'Ard-chan-kami-sama!' She shuddered in fear. There were worse fates than being mobbed by legions of drooling slavering fanboys, but at the moment, Delfina really didn't want to think about the Taft administration. "Run, Ardweden!" she shouted, grabbing her lookalike by the wrist. Ardweden didn't need further urging. They ran down the hallway, weaved through the living room, and navigated a few more corridors. Finally, Ardweden skidded, dragging Delfina to a stop. "Hey, where are we? I don't recognize this place," Ardweden said, blinking. "I dunno, but we'd better hurry!" Delfina answered, looking around. "Right!" Quickly, they bolted for the nearest door and ducked into the dark room. They slammed the door behind them (quietly, somehow), and stepped back from the door, not daring to breath. They waited for the pounding of steps to rush by. Finally, they spoke. "Um. Where's the light switch?" The sound of a switch being flicked several times echoes through the silent room. "Um... It isn't working." "I don't like the dark, you know. Make it work." "I'm trying! I'm trying!" "Ne, tsuin-chan?" "Yes, tsuin-chan?" "You don't have facial hair do you? *pokepoke*" "Um... no? At least, not recently." "Oh, bother. We're going to die now, aren't we?" "I think so." "Eek! Hold me, sister!" they chorused in unison. The light suddenly flashed on. They paused, looked at each other, looked up, and then looked back at each other. They screamed again. "Eeeeeeek!" ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ It is not a widely known fact that the care and maintenance of an important Final Fantasy airship/spaceship is a delicate science. True, there's all sorts of Washuu-style physics-bending involved, and a boatload of yowling catguys is not exactly a cargo that is good for keeping the damn thing up to sticker price. Maintaining such a vehicle as the Ragnarok took skill, grace, and the cool hand of a mechanical genius. What it got was Todd in the bowels of the engine room, applying an excessive amount of torque to the ion drive and swearing like Cid Highwind on crystal meth. "DIE!" he shouted, booting the machinery, and then hopping around with a bruised toe, proving that narrative necessity will not be denied. "Goddamn rassin' frassin' #$(#*$&..." he grumbled, proving that New York born and raised will also not be denied. The phone rang. It occurred to Todd, as he looked for the receiver, that the Ragnarok didn't HAVE a phone. This unfortunate problem posed a serious threat to him actually *answering* the phone call, and he quickly tore apart the engine room in the process of looking for the ringing sound, conveniently placing the Ragnarok on the KO'ed list in terms of escape vehicles. Eventually, sweaty and giving serious consideration to scrapping the whole thing with another Dragu Slave, Todd gave up and screamed, at the top of his lungs, "WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT?" He was rewarded with an answering voice. "What's your favorite scary anime?" Todd blinked, getting up and dislodging a sea of spare parts. "...You have got to be kidding. This is the lamest attempt at parody I have EVER seen." There was a pregnant pause. Then the voice spoke again. "I can see you. I know what you did last Impro." "Good LORD, you *idiot*. Could you at least ATTEMPT something that hasn't been done before? What's the point of all this, anyway?" The voice seemed to give this a lot of thought as well. "Sore wa... himitsu desu." A vein throbbed on Todd's forehead. Storm clouds crackled in the skies overhead. "All right. That tears it." "Ooooh, did I make the widdle guy angry? What are you gonna do, sit on me?" the Voice(tm) taunted. The storm clouds continued to crackle. The light in the room took on a rather disturbing purple/red quality. "[[[DIE!]]" Todd shouted, proving that the Brackets of Power are more of a guideline than a rule. "Akumu no ou no hito kake yo, sora to imashime hanatareshi, kuroki kooreru utsuru no yaiba yo..." [Subtitled for your convenience: "You who are a fragment of the Lord of Dark Lords, grant the wrath of heaven to my hand, unleash the dark, cold blade of annihilation..."] There was a scrambling sound, then a fleeing sound as the Voice presumably got the hell out of Dodge, the black blade of crackling Void energy forming in Todd's hands very intimidating. Beaming, he threw one hand up in a V sign. "Victory!" He smiled smugly and stretched for a moment. Then he realized he'd left an unstable/untested Laguna Blade sitting on the proverbial burner with the flame set to "Surface of the Sun". "Ah... hell." Fortunately, the Ragnarok took the brunt of the damage. Unfortunately, Todd was still inside. And there was a lot of damage. Like, oodles. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ "Ne, Esli-chan..." "Yes, Myth?" Sniffing the air of the shadowy basement type area, Myth smelled death. In a secluded corner, Death sniffed at its armpits, then shrugged. The smell made her uneasy, and Myth let Eslington know this by squeezing his hand tightly. Eslington squeezed his eyes shut then opened them, his eyes glued to the floor. One thing seemed to pique his interest at the moment. Blood. Moving back a little, Eslington followed the trail of blood with his eyes, making note of the door it originated from. His eyes locked on the door, Eslington tugged at Myth's hand. "Ano...Myth-chan..." Myth followed Eslington's gaze and froze when she saw the red substance trickling toward them. "Ohhh, shit." Freeing herself from Eslington's grip, Myth moved towards the door quickly. Grasping the doorknob with her small hands, she looked down and hesitated for a moment. Looking back at Eslington, he nodded at her. Myth took a deep breath, then pulled the door open. Inside was a grotesque sight. There were bloody handprints on the walls, bloody footprints on the floor, and blood in general on the ceiling. In the center of the room there was a lute and a mallet, sitting in a small puddle of blood. "WAH! Ardweden and Delfina are dead!!!" Myth exclaimed. Myth hugged herself to Eslington, grasping the fur on the collar of his jacket. She was scared to investigate any further. She knew these two really well. They had been her friends... Eslington smoothed her hair and quietly made shushing sounds. This was rather nasty, especially with all the blood. Ick. It smelled all coppery. He felt Myth straighten up and pull away from him. Myth made her way towards the mallet and the lute. Seeing something scratched all over the two items, she squinted her eyes and this is what she saw: Revenge. Blood. Death. Pain. Scream. SCREAM, PARTY. SCREAM. The phrase was scratched into the items over and over, many many times in very small print. Myth felt light-headed. The world was spinning around her. She stood and wobbled perilously for a moment, then saw Eslington on a phone, which she hadn't noticed earlier. Eslington listened to the scratchy voice on the other end. It had a hard consistency, very gravelly. "What's your favorite scary anime?" "Sailor Moon. Ta," Eslington replied without hesitation. After the receiver was thrown back onto the base, it rang again. Warily picking it up, Eslington instantly said in a flat voice, "What?" "Don't hang up on me, Eslington," the person said with a certain bite in its gravelly voice. "My sister hung up on me once. Once." "Errrr..." "Something bad may happen if you do it again, Esli." Eslington couldn't speak. He just stared at the receiver and gawked. The voice on the other end chuckled to itself, then said, "Goodbye." *snip!* He hung up the phone, and turned back to Myth, who was staring at him. "The line is dead." "Which means?" "We can't call Domino's!" he wailed. Myth facefaulted, then stood up and malleted him with a meat tenderizer. "BAKA!" Eslington twitched on the floor, but soon righted himself. "Look Myth," he started as he grabbed her by the shoulders. "We should find the others before something bad happens." Myth just stared at him, then thwapped him. "BAKA BAKA BAKA!!! You just jinxed us!!!" Eslington facefaulted. "We're screwed." Myth then perked up. "Hey, but the protagonist doesn't die till the end of the trilogy! On the other hand, the protagonists' love interest..." "Myth-chan, stay away from me." "Waaah..." ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Jonatan excused himself from the ongoing card game and sat back in a plush chair, next to a table and a phone. Right when he had just gotten comfortable, the phone rang. Picking it up, Jonatan asked, "Hello?" "What's your favorite scary anime?" "Hmm... that's a tough one. What kind of scary? Do you mean kawaii scary, hentai scary, or scary scary? Your question could be terribly misunderstood..." "..." *click!* Jonatan sat for a moment, then realized the other side had hung up. "Hmph! I was trying to talk to him..." Jonatan trailed as he punched in *69. After two rings, a gravelly voice asked, "Hello?" "Excuse me, but why did you hang up on me? That wasn't very polite. Blah blah blah, blah..." And lo, Jonatan rambled at the slasher. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Two sets of people came up or down a flight of stairs (depending on where they'd been) and met just outside the bar. "Well, we didn't find any clues downstairs," Myth reported. Phoebe nodded. "Same here. Just more bodies." Eslington whimpered. "Then... we're all going to die!" Ravi leaned forward and thwapped Eslington across the back of the head. "Oh, do shut up. We'll find him, somehow. With any luck, he'll just show up, you know?" "Look, I don't care what your favorite brand of anchovy is! This conversation is _over_," came a rough and familiar voice from off to the side. Four pairs of eyes turned as one to look into the kitchen, where a black-cloaked figure was slamming down the telephone. For a brief moment, they wondered if it was just one of the Inquisition members, until they saw the patch on the back that read "McKillers: Over 100 slain daily." As though feeling the weight of their gazes, the Slasher turned to look at the four protagonists. Sensing the Impending Denouement, he turned as though to run out the back door. Which of course, did not exist. He turned back to face them. The man in the black cloak and the white mask (not the Phantom of the Opera) perked up and lifted his cleaver, making disturbing slashing motions with it, slowly changing into stabbing motions. Up and down and up and down... "..." was all the group had to say. Realizing what his motions looked like, the slasher caught himself and just held the cleaver in a threatening manner and began slowly walking out the door toward them. Eslington whispered something into Ravi's ear, and the two began to move to the side, to flank the killer. The Slasher warily alternated glaring at the two men, unsure how to proceed. Eslington and Ravi were about to do something very very violent, when Phoebe bashed the psychopath over the head with a cinder block. When the figure collapsed, Myth stood on his back and waved a little V in the air. "Yatta!" she bubbled. The four quickly dragged the Slasher to his feet and held him in place. Ravi took up a position in front of him, and began pacing back and forth. "So!" he started, "You thought you could get away with this? That you could begin killing us off, indiscriminately? Well you were wrong!" He stopped in front of the hooded figure, wheeling to face him. "Oh, we know all about your plan..." Ravi stepped forward and grabbed the mask. He smiled cockily. Turning to face the others, he yanked it off and powerposed with it in his outstretched hand. "...IRON CHEF CHEN KENICHI! That's right! You were so distraught at seeing all of the party guests pour ketchup all over your culinary masterpieces that you were driven to insanity and homicidal rage! (And I am sure your defeat last week at the hands of Dave Thomas certainly did not help matters!)" "Um, Ravi?" Esli interjected hesitantly. "That... isn't Iron Chef Chen Kenichi." Ravi blinked. He turned to face the unmasked killer and sweatdropped. Two EVIL beady little eyes stared out at him from under the cloak, and a noticeable lack of face was evident. "Um. You aren't Iron Chef Chen Kenichi, are you?" "No," came a gravelly and EVIL voice. Phoebe stepped up to Ravi's side and peered into the hood. "Who are you, then." "Sore waURK--" he concluded, assisted by Myth's timely introduction of a frying pan to the back of his skull. "Quick, off with the hood!" Eslington shouted, reaching forward and taking hold of the cloth. He pulled it back, the entire cloak coming off with the motion. The four friends stood around, staring in disbelief. "Chippy the Transvestite Gnome?!" they exclaimed in chorus. "On stilts!" he added. "And I would have gotten away with it, if it hadn't been for you perky kids!" "Oh-HOHOHOHO!" laughed Myth, unexpectedly. "Well, we shall be sure to punish you most mightily." "By returning you to Aaron Shattuck's pocket!" Eslington added. "Hmm. Aaron's dead, though," Phoebe reminded them. "So that doesn't quite work. What should be do?" Ravi picked up Chippy by the scruff of his neck, carried him into the kitchen, and tossed him into the microwave. "That ought to hold him for a while," he said. The four friends looked around. The house was pretty much empty, except for the bodies lying everywhere. Those who hadn't died had run away, either in fear, or to cash in on the insurance policies. "All these dead people. What are we going to do?" sniffed Eslington. "We could bury them in the back yard," Myth suggested, only to be met by the glares of the others. "Hey, it was just an idea!" Ravi clapped suddenly. "I think I know. I might have just the thing for this situation. Hey, Myth, Esli... why don't you guys go find everyone who's still alive and tell them it's okay and they can come back. Phoebe and I will get on dead person detail." Myth nodded and dragged Eslington off. Phoebe turned to look at Ravi expectantly. "So what's the plan?" Ravi smiled. "Wait here. I think I have something in my trunk." He ran off, and through the living room window, Phoebe saw him pop the trunk of his car and dig around in it. After a short while, Ravi jumped up with a triumphant cheer and rushed back inside. He came back into the living room, out of breath, but looking very pleased. He held out an odd-looking rod-shaped device. It had a few buttons and a dial. "What is it?" Phoebe asked, peering at the device in curiosity. Ravi smiled. "It's a portable Resurrectron!" "And you have this because?" Phoebe trailed off. "Never know when it might come in handy. And it will now!" Ravi dragged Phoebe into the kitchen. They stood over the mangled and mutilated corpse of Todd, who had apparently been gruesomely killed right in the middle of the kitchen without anyone noticing. "Watch this." Aiming the wand at the body, Ravi pressed the Big Shiny Red Button. A beam shot out of it, and Todd's corpse began to glow brightly. When the light faded, the body was unmangled, and his chest was slowly raising and lowering. Phoebe blinked. She ducked down and reached out, as if to poke Todd. Ravi grabbed her arm and stopped her. She turned to look at him, puzzlement on her face. "He's sleeping. Best to let him do that... dying takes a lot out of you, y'know?" The duo rushed from room to room, bringing all their dead friends back to life. It was pretty quick going, despite the incredibly high body count. "Well, this is most of the partygoers, I think," Phoebe said, as she aimed the Resurrectron at Mechalink. She pressed the button. Nothing happened. Frowning, she jabbed it again. "It's stopped working," she complained, handing it to Ravi. Ravi shook the small device, listening for a rattle. He pointed it at Mechalink's body and pressed the Red Button again. Nothing. "Damn thing must be out of batteries!" he swore. "And it uses ZF-size batteries. And those don't exist anymore... Curse you, Frank Nord!" "Settle down, Ravi," Phoebe said, patting him on the shoulders. "I'm sure we'll find someway to bring them all back." A whispered voice monotoned out from somewhere. "Psssst! Go to the basement! Bring Cheetos!" Phoebe and Ravi looked around in confusion. "You say that?" "Nope." "Baaasement!" the voice repeated. Ravi looked at Phoebe. "I get the feeling we should go to the basement." The two made their way back down the steps. A large door which they hadn't seen when they had resurrected Delfina and Ardweden stood against the east wall of the main room. "Well this is certainly odd. What is it?" Ravi asked. Phoebe shrugged. "I think it's the Secret Impro Party Cloning Tank Chamber," she suggested, pointing at the sign above the door, which read 'SECRET IMPRO PARTY CLONING TANK CHAMBER.' "I think you're right. Well, let's go!" They entered the room, marveling at the sophisticated equipment within. Row after row of tanks filled with glowing green liquid filled the room, a large console occupying the center of the far wall. Ravi walked over to the console and pressed the enter key. Nothing happened. "I have no idea how to use this." "Where are my Cheetos?!" boomed the same voice as before. "Bring me Cheetos!" "Who are you?" Phoebe asked, looking upward, then around. "Show yourself!" "Just bring me what I desire, and I will operate the machinery. I will stay hidden." "Errrr, okay," Ravi said. "Phoebe? You get the Cheetos. I'll start getting the bodies." "Sure." "Wai!" chirped the disembodied voice. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Eslington finished dragging the last of the bimbos down the stairs to the basement. "Do we really want to bring them all back to life?" Myth nodded. "I suppose we should. Best not to upset the others. Who knows, someone might enjoy having them around." Ravi hoisted the body of Ura and tossed it into the last of the tanks. "Good thing it's only the supporting cast who needs to be cloned," he said. "I'm glad the batteries in the Resurrectron held out long enough to get the Party invitees." "Yes!" Phoebe exclaimed. "I would certainly hate for anyone to think we had somehow diminished their role by turning them into a clone!" Myth facepalmed. "Real subtle, guys. Reaaaal subtle." "Bah." ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Watching the procession wander back up the stairs, Clone Woofer cackled to himself. Munching more life-giving Cheetos, he smiled. Life was good. FIN (chapter 29) ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ AUTHOR'S NOTES [or, In Which Ravi Retches Violently] Um, yeah, that was a bit excessively gory. but it was fun, too. To be honest, I'm not entirely comfortable with some of it myself. To anyone who did have a problem with the gore, I tried to lighten it up somewhat. This chapter contains all three Sunburst Project stims for last week. Wai! Thanks to Woofer and Steph, for prereading. Steph even rewrote her death scene, which I messed up big time. Todd also contributed a death scene. And sooper-dooper thanks to Myth, the cutest lil' co-author in the entire universe! -r {Ravi hands the mic to Myth} Wai. That was fun. ^^; If you're squeamish about the gore, most of it was my fault. And I take all blame for anything messy this episode causes. But still, you have to admit... It was *REALLY* fun. ^.~ I'd like to thank Stephi and Roe, (Which niichan already did), and I'd like to thank Ravi, who I really appreciate helping me out. ^^ ~Myth ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Dramatis Personae: Aaron Pinnick: Chez Impro - somewhere Aaron Shattuck: Chez Impro - sleeping Angelcat: Baskin-Robbins Anko: Chez Impro - sleeping Ardweden: Chez Impro - sleeping BlackMage: Chez Impro - sleeping Blade: Chez Impro - sleeping Calculus: Chez Impro - somewhere Cham: Chez Impro - somewhere Chris: Chez Impro - sleeping ColdFury: Chez Impro - sleeping Coyote: Chez Impro - sleeping Damien Roc: Chez Impro - sleeping Dan: Chez Impro - somewhere Delfina: Chez Impro - sleeping Epsilon: Chez Impro - sleeping Eslington: Dining Room Eternal Lost Lurker: Chez Impro - sleeping Falcon: Chez Impro - somewhere Fatman: Chez Impro - somewhere H: Chez Impro HottCoffee: Chez Impro - sleeping Jake: Chez Impro - sleeping Jeff: Baskin-Robbins Jesse: Chez Impro - somewhere Jonatan: Chez Impro - playing Jenga Kate Malloy: Chez Impro - lusting after Irvine Katy: Chez Impro - somewhere Kimberli: Chez Impro - lusting after Irvine Kristen: Chez Impro - lusting after Irvine Lady Chaos: Chez Impro - somewhere Lawrence: Chez Impro - sleeping Lusipher: Chez Impro - sleeping Mark Poa: Chez Impro - sleeping Mechalink: Chez Impro - sleeping Myth: Dining Room NeoVid: Chez Impro - sleeping Nick: Chez Impro - sleeping nihility (Eric): Chez Impro - somewhere Omi no Miko: Chez Impro - somewhere Phoebe: Dining Room Rain: Chez Impro - somewhere over the rai*thwap* Rags: Chez Impro - sleeping Random: Chez Impro - sleeping Ravi: Dining Room Robin: Chez Impro - sleeping Roe: Chez Impro - somewhere Samantha: Baskin-Robbins Squall (John Evans): Chez Impro - somewhere Stephica: Chez Impro - sleeping Steve Scougall: Chez Impro - somewhere Tameran: Chez Impro - sleeping Todd: Chez Impro - sleeping Twoflower: Chez Impro - somewhere VVerevvolf: Chez Impro - sleeping Wang Tu Chun Chez Impro - sleeping W4: Dead Yun Cheolsu: Chez Impro - sleeping Bimbos: Clone tanks Catguys: Clone tanks Chippy: Kitchen - Microwave Clone Woofer Basement - Clone tanks Cousin Pete: Clone tanks Evil Neighbors From Hell: Clone tanks Hardhead Fred: Clone tanks Iron Chef Chen Kenichi: Clone tanks Jess: Clone tanks Keith Richards: Clone tanks Leonardo DiCaprio: Clone tanks Mokujin: On the set of RECBT Mysterious man: Clone tanks Dragon: Clone tanks Mecha Tom Green: Clone tanks Phineas McWatson: Clone tanks Quistis: Clone tanks Ragnarok: Chez Impro parking lot Ura: Clone tanks Zombie Elvis: Clone tanks