Ya Know? 
By Ranma X.
A product of the Sunburst Project


     The light bulb flared and burned out. That was when I knew beyond a shadow
of a doubt I was dead. Life is kinda like a light bulb, ya know? It shines
brightly and then, before ya know it, when you just don;t even realizes it, it 
flickers a bit. Not much, ya know?, just a little tiny flicker. Then it flickers
a bit more. It flickers until you get to the point that the light bulb doesn't 
light much of anything. In those last couple of seconds, the light bulb takes 
its last breath and just...goes.

Ya know? 

     It's not too easy growin' up in this town. Who am I kiddin? This is the 
fringe of the damn slums. You can see the damn government housing down the road,
if it weren't blocked by those skyscrapers.

I hate the city.

Ya know?

     I was a stupid kid from the streets. I guess the stereotypical kind of shit
you see who just, I think the word is 'flails', yeah that's right. I never did
much of anything. I had a little job paying the bills. I never wanted to go to 
college or anything like that. It wasn't cause I couldn't do it, I can handle 
college if I fuckin' wanted to, but...I couldn't do it.

I guess I was scared of being alone.

Ya know?


     When I was seventeen my mom died. I was left pretty much alone, that is, 
I would have been if it werent for Tracy. To this day, I still don't know what 
I'd do without her. She had this step, this walk like that poem about the girl
that "Walks in beauty, like the night." Anyways, She was like that, and I don't
think I would've survived this long without her. I could never have left her.

     I married her when we were 20. Yeah, I know it was early and all. She got a
job as a secratary and I got a decent job fixing up computers and stuff. 
We got a little studio in the neighborhood and we were happy. 
Since my mother died, I was happy. 

Ya know?

     About...a year or so afterwards...was it a year? Just a year? Damn, felt 
like an eternity. Anyways, Tracy had gotten a better job that payed a lot 
better than that job as a secretary. We had thought that now we could move out 
of the neighborhood. Hell, we had dreams of the suburbs. Never dream before or 
since then. Then she was killed. Simple as that. One night, she just got hit.
She was an innocent bystander. She was walkin' home from work. I, I, I mean...

why?

Why her?

You ever wonder why God does the tings he does?

Ever wonder if there is a God?

Never did until then. 

It just didn't make sense. It just wasn't...fair.

Ya know?

     I sat in the apartment. Actually, I kinda just lied there. Didn't move. I
tried. I tried with all my fuckin' heart to move. I just lied there. A few days
went by. I was able to drink water. I couldnt leave the apartment. I never did. 
The letters came. The world wouldn't let me suffer. I still stayed in my 
apartment. I just...had to. I didn;t eat. There was no reason to anymore. The 
food probably went bad by that time anyways. 

     The doors stayed locked. Neighbors called. 'Family' called. I unplug the 
phone. They would have cut it off anyways in a while. I just thought of her 
smile and her walk and all the hundreds of things that she meant to me. The 
things I never felt in my fuckin life. There was nothing left to live for. I
just lied there. 

     One night, I went into a rage and detroyed most of my furniture. I fell to 
the ground beside a broken table. The one she picked out with the missing leg 
that I built for it. It was a nice table really.

Ya know?

I layed there looking up. It was a month since then. I wasn't hungry anymore.
I wasn't thirsty anymore. It was dark outside, but I had my light hanging there 
in the middle of the main room. I just looked at the light and smiled as if were
the last connection I had with humanity. Almost like a light of hope. 

Then it flickered a bit. 

I started crying.

It flickered violently.

I shook, convulsing, coughing.

The light stopped flickering and shone brightly again.

I took a breath.

The light turned off.

I never payed the light bill.

Funny how man is man's worst enemy.

Ya know?

Author Notes:

Not much to say except I was writing really fast to submit something.


Ranma X.



The Sunburst Project, Week 2
http://www.chaoseed.com/btr/sbp/
3/23/00