The One That Got Away

by John Evans
jevans@alum.mit.edu

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Disclaimer: This makes Todd's look cheery.
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    "Hey, Greg."
    I looked at him as he slammed a can down on the table, exhaling mightily.
"Yeah?"
    He looked at me shrewdly, but unsteadily.  "You ever lose one?"
    I felt a chill.  "Uh..."
    "Come on.  It's okay."  He shrugged.  "We all do, sometimes.  It's the
kind of thing you can talk about with your friends over drinks, y'know?"
    I sat still for a moment.  "Yeah, but...some things..."

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    "So...David."  I smiled reassuringly--not too much, we didn't know each
other yet.  "You've been having some problems."
    He nodded, brown hair falling in front of his face.
    "Well, I may be able to help, I hope."
    David looked up.  "How?"
    I nodded, letting the silence stretch out for a little.  "By letting you
understand yourself," I said.  "And understand your problems better."
    He seemed to consider for a moment, and then nodded.  "Okay."
    I'd heard he was brilliant.  It was hardly exact, of course, but just
in a couple of minutes I'd gotten a glimpse of some gleams peeking through.
He would be an interesting challenge...

=====

    "Sometimes it's tough, you know?" he said.
    I nodded, waiting for him to continue.
    "...Tough," he said, glancing around the office, everywhere but my eyes.
"I see people, and they think...they just don't worry about the same things
as I do."
    "And what do you worry about?" I prompted.
    David fidgeted.  "Lots of things.  Like...have you ever worried about
crossing the street?  Even if it's a red light, like...maybe someone just
won't stop for you."
   I paused, and then nodded gently.  "It can happen, possibly.  But
usually people have rules.  That's what society is, after all--"
   He snorted.  "Rules.  Of course."  He lay back, and glanced out the
window.
   I let the silence go for a few more moments.  Then, "What do you mean?
Do the rules bother you?"
   He sighed and ran his hand through his hair.  "Everyone has rules. But
nobody has the same rules I do..."

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    "I tried," he said.
    "I know."
    David looked up at me.  "I tried.  I really did.  But it's so hard..."
    "I know," I said.  "I think everyone feels--"
    "Yeah, whatever."  There, he lay back again, dismissing what I was
saying.
    "You don't think people feel the way you do?" I asked.
    He glared at me.  "I *know* they don't.  It's obvious.  No one ever
worries about the same things I do.  No one ever worries about getting
hurt, like a spear in the chest."
    I paused...this time to really think.  "Spear, you mean--"
    "A metaphor, dammit."  He rolled his eyes.
    "Ah.  So, it's like a physical pain, then?"
    "Yes!"  He scratched at the back of his hand.  I felt a chill as I
picked out a couple of scars.  "Physical, emotional..."
    "Some people..."  I hesitated, choosing my words carefully.  "Some
people, have told me that physical pain takes their mind off of
emotional pain."
    David nodded.  "Yeah.  I'll buy that."
    I crossed my legs.  "So..."
    He shrugged, and then looked at his watch.  "Oh, look at the time..."

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    "It hurts," he whispered.
    I watched him for a few moments.  Were his cheeks a bit thinner this
week?  "What does?"
    "Everything."  He rubbed at his solar plexus.  "I believe that
everyone's connected, you know?"
    I tilted my head to one side for a moment.  "Connected?"
    "Yeah.  Anyone is hurt, everyone gets hurt."  He scowled.  "Except
that it's not working that well."  I paused, and this time he did
continue.  "I get hurt, but no one else is.  It's not fair, you know?"
    "Well," I began, "Maybe if you...perhaps talked to some of these
people..."
    "I can't do that," he snapped.  "It's against the rules."
    I raised my eyebrows.  "Rules?"
    I actually felt the urge to shrink back from his stare.  "I can't
break the rules.  I can't break the rules..."
    "So...what happens now?" I asked.  "If you can't do anything...
something has to give."
    He looked down, eyes wide.  "Yeah..."
    "Maybe you can do something.  Talk to one of these people.  Surely
there's one or two who will listen to you..."
    David sighed, and lay back again, infuriatingly.  I resisted the
urge to grit my teeth.

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    And then, suddenly, that was it.
    They came by and showed me a note.  Nobody understood it...they didn't
want anything to do with me, of course, but they asked anyway.  And I knew
instantly.  I wasn't sure I could explain...who could ever explain someone
like him?  How could you put an entire life in a few short sentences, even
paragraphs?
    "Everyone's connected."  Such a brilliant mind, everyone always said.
But who really understood what that meant?  I knew for David it never
meant anything, really.  Except that he always looked at things just a
little differently.
    Everyone's connected.  Hurt someone, and you should be hurt yourself.
A concept of fairness, that everyone hopes for, I'm sure.  Equality,
justice.  And when you can't do anything else...how can you hurt someone
without hurting them?
    On me, at least, it had worked...

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The Sunburst Project, Week 1
http://www.chaoseed.com/btr/sbp/
3/14/00