#445: Wai! Aeris, I'm so glad you're here! Now you can help
me with my fanfiction!
Aeris: Hee hee. That sounds like fun! Where are we?
#445: (Sweatdrops) Um... I really don't know...
Aeris: That's okay, Sephy-chan. You get caught up, and I'll make
some nummy hot chocolate.
#445: Okay, Aeris!
Aeris walks off towards the kitchen.
#445: Now, let's see what the Great Master wrote...
Sephiroth clone number 445 begins to read the lengthy bit written by
his alter ego. Approximately midway through he pauses and chokes. A
suspicious red trickle slides down his face, beginning at his nose.
#445: He... he... Aeris...
Diablos: Hey, relax, kid, it's not canon or anything...
#445: With Cloud?! Ewwwww...
Aeris: Are you okay in there, Sephy-chan?
#445: Gah! Fine, fine! Just stay in there!
Aeris: Hee hee. You're so silly, Sephy-chan. Do you want
Marshmallows with your cocoa?
#445: Lots of marshmallows! Very, very melted! (aside to Diablos)
What do I do? I can't let her read this...
Diablos: You're asking me?
#445 scans quickly through the material, hoping to reach the end
before the marshmallows melt. However, due to the epic proportions
of Sephiroth's piece (h_h), he doesn't even come close.
Aeris: I brought you your hot chocalate, Sephy-chan!
#445: (Falling over backwards in his chair) Aeris! Um, could you
get... I mean, will you go... uh...
Aeris: (brightly) What's going on in the story, Sephy-chan?
Anything interesting?
Diablos: You could say that, girly...
She walks over to the monitor and begins reading the current passage.
Her smile slowly begins to fade.
Aeris: Oh, my...
#445: Um, Aeris?
Aeris: Sephy-chan has been a naughty boy! We'll just have to fix a
couple things up here...
#445: But Aeris, I can't change the Master's work!
Aeris bites her lip and appears to think. Tiny wisps of steam come
off her hair.
Diablos: Careful. Don't hurt yourself.
#445: Shhh. Aeris is thinking!
Aeris: (frowning slightly) Are you talking to your shoulder again,
Sephy-chan?
#445: No, I'm talking to the demon-fairy there.
Aeris: Oh. (she appears to digest this) Okay then! I know! We'll
just have to fill our part with the yummy light to make up for it,
right?
#445: Sure thing, Aeris! Oh, hate is very, very bad...
Diablos: Mercy! Grant me mercy!
Aeris: First, some relief for the working man at Shinra, just to
make up for all those mean things Gevura did to them!
*********************************************************************
Swift Demon Productions presents...
Final *Fantasy* Fated
Playing the Fate Game
Chapter Three:
Hello Kitty Merchandise
Directed by: Philip Barkow
As well as, in no particular order:
The Lady Chaos
Kate Malloy
Neovid
Sasha Harlow
and The Black Wyvvern of Amorica
*********************************************************************
That oh so fun to read legalese!
Final Fantasy: Fated's original concept was started by Samantha
Rogers.
Playing the Fate Game's concept was thought up by Lady Chaos, and is
currently being hosted by Swift Demon Productions.
Yes, we all wonder why Squaresoft hasn't shut it down yet.
Apparently they still haven't run across that FF7: Director's Cut...
Oh, and rest easy because no Improfanfic Admins was harmed in the
making of this fic...
Sorry, they're out of season.
*********************************************************************
Disclaimer type thing: Oh, come on, look at who's writing this. You
should know better. Honestly... (re: yes, there are bad words. Yes
there might be some violence. Yes there may be sexual innuendoes.
I'm not holding a gun to your head forcing you to continue; you read
at your own risk.)
Addenum to disclaimer: The lurid yuri sex scene with lots of graphic
details never actually got included. You may breath a sign of relief
or regret at this point, your choice. There is a little bit of shoujo
ai though. And even that was stretching characterization.
Further addenum to disclaimer: Britney Spears looks good in chain
mail.
And now, let's get on to the story!
*********************************************************************
Jose had been a sanitary engineer and general maintenance employee at
Shinra Electric Corporation for less than a month now, and he was
beginning to doubt it had been the correct career move for him. His
first day here one of the freaks they built in the labs had escaped,
causing chaos and damage on the upper floor that he had been
responsible for cleaning up. Then that same creature had splattered
an escaped clone all over the weapons development and storage
facility. He had caused that freakish pet of the Vice-President's to
vomit on the carpet. Twice. He been in fights, killed dozens, and
destroyed every room he entered. And every time, Jose had been right
behind him, cleaning up the mess.
While blood and debris didn't bother him, he'd seen plenty in his
life in the slums, the neon green BioContainment Unit (BCU) that he
was required to use every time the bodily fluids came from one of
Hojo's freaks did. The darn things were heavy, and they weren't
allowed on the elevators (something about mutations showing up in
some of the executives). Which meant the BCU he was carrying, full
of clone fluids and bits, was now full. And he'd have to lug it up
64 flights of stairs to the waste disposal unit if he wanted to get
another one. Needless to say, Jose was not happy.
It has been said that necessity is the mother of invention, and Jose
had definitely decided that avoiding 64 flights of stairs was very
necessary. And so it was that, on the third floor, inspiration
struck.
The Shinra commissary was also required to use BCU's in the disposal
of leftovers, and they, in turn, were hauled up by the super strong
members of SOLDIER (those that were unlucky enough to draw KP duty,
that is). Surely they wouldn't mind one more?
That duty seen to, Jose headed towards the personnel department to
forcibly tender his resignation.
*********************************************************************
The lovely Doctor Serise was not happy. Hojo was holding a contest
among his underlings to see who could come up with the next cloning
project, now that all of the Sephiroth samples were used up. She had
a brilliant idea for the contest, but she'd drawn the last time slot
to use the lab's cloning vats. Which meant the Universal Genetic
Material for Cloning was completely out. She glared at the empty
bright green container, as if by force of will she could get it to
fill, and spare her the walk up from requisitions (nothing of Hojo's
was allowed outside the laboratory after it had been linked to the
high occurence of brain tumors in the executives).
A soft shuffling sound drew her attention away from her dilemma, to a
young man cleaning a gun in the corner. She frowned prettily. Wasn't
that the kid that was always shadowing Hojo? Hmmm. Fairly young,
too. Easily dazzled by a beauty such as herself.
Taking a moment to unbutton the top two buttons of her lab coat and
to let down her hair, Serise made her way over to the slouched
figure. "Hello there, cutie," she breathed.
The result was better than she'd hoped for. The boy's eyes grew to
the size of saucers when he looked up, and his mouth fell open.
"I don't suppose you could help a lady?" She giggled, tracing one
perfectly manicured red nail along his arm.
The boy blinked, apparently assimilating this. Finally, he nodded
mutely.
"Good lad. Why don't you hop on down to requisitions and pick me up
some UGMC?"
The boy scurried away with unseemly haste, still mute. "What would
the world be without impressionable boys?" Serise mused to herself.
*********************************************************************
Indigo Ccoa was not a happy SOLDIER. She'd drawn KP duty for the
fifth time this week, and those BCU's just seemed to get heavier
every time she lugged them. Damn that Gevura. This has to be his
fault somehow! Snarling at a couple of passing suits, she wasn't
watching the intersection ahead, and ran headlong into the blond boy
running past.
"Why don't you watch where you're going, kid?! This isn't a
playground!" As soon as the words were out, Indigo regretted them.
The kid looked like a kicked puppy. Worse, he looked like a puppy
who'd been expecting the kick.
"Er... Look, uh..." she paused, but the boy didn't supply a name,
"...kid. No harm done, right?" She scooped up the nine BCU's from
the floor. "Just watch it next time, okay?" She awkwardly shuffled
around the packages until she could pat the kid's head. His
expression underwent the amazing transformation from the verge of
tears to near-adulation. Uncomfortable under that gaze, Indigo
hurried on her way.
Unseen behind her, the nameless boy picked up the green package that
had rolled to the side and made his way back to the lab.
*********************************************************************
#445: Wow, Aeris, you made everybody happy!
Aeris: (blushing) Well, I didn't do much. Why don't we have that
cocoa now?
#445: Just a moment Aeris, I've got another idea I want to add.
Aeris: Okay! Don't take too long or your cocoa will get cold.
*********************************************************************
Kate sat at her computer, typing and wondering exactly how she'd
managed to sign up for four Impros that were all due at the same
time. Engrossed in her writing, she somehow failed to notice the
bright flash of light behind her and the voices of angels raised in
heavenly chorus.
"Ahem." Gabriel cleared his throat.
"Yeah, what?" Kate asked, turning around. Her eyes widened as she
realized that this was not a member of her family. "Hey! Who are
you, and how'd you get in here?"
"I am the Archangel Gabriel, and I have come to deliver you a
message," Gabriel stated.
Kate's eyes narrowed. "Aren't you two thousand years and several
countries off?" she inquired.
"No, not *that* message," Gabriel answered.
"Good. I'd hate to have everything I believe in get really screwed
up. So, um, what is the message?"
Gabriel waited expectantly. "Aren't you going to tell me about
Christopher Walken?"
"Who?"
Gabriel sighed. "Never mind. Anyway, I have come here because your
aid is needed to help restore a world from darkness."
Kate blinked. "What?"
"It's quite simple, really. You and a group of your friends are
being asked to help save a world. The world of Final Fantasy-"
"Eight?" Kate interrupted. "Yeah! My prayers have been answered!"
She then blushed. "Not that I was actually, y'know, *praying* for
something like that, but I was thinking about it and I..."
"Not Eight," Gabriel said solemnly.
"Oh." Her face fell. "Six, then? Tactics? Even Four?"
Gabriel shook his head each time.
"Oh, no. It's Seven, isn't it? Yep, gotta be. Never mind that it
could have been one where I actually *liked* most of the
characters..."
"Actually," Gabriel stated, "it's the world that you and your fellow
writers call Final Fantasy Fated. A variant of Seven."
"Hmm...that's not so bad. All right, when do I go?" Kate inquired,
getting up from her computer chair.
"Actually, it won't exactly be you that's going," Gabriel informed
her.
Before Kate could ask him exactly what he meant, there was a bright
flash of light...
*********************************************************************
The Archangel Gabriel entered the room and stepped over (and under)
no less than five distinct cords. He opened his mouth to speak but
paused as a carelessly aimed infrared beam went over his shoulder.
The television behind him switched from a SheDaisy music video to an
early episode of Dragon Ball Z.
Slightly irritated, the Celestial Messenger continued.
"Hark. I am the Archangel Gabriel. And I have come..."
"Really? You don't..."
"Tell me that I don't look like Christopher Walken and you may find
that it takes you a very long time to get out of the second bardo."
"Actually, I was going to say that you don't seem to be on fire. And
you seem to be male."
"Pardon?"
"In Nomine."
"Oh right. Beth's influence."
"Is she really an Archangel?!"
"Forget I said anything."
"Gotcha." The Coop Student nodded conspiratorially. "I'm not going to
be the one to blow her cover."
"It's a relief to finally find someone who hasn't seen the Prophecy."
"Actually, I've seen it and the sequel."
The Archangel simply glared at him.
"So tell me, how many angels can dance on the head of a pin?"
"It's a trick question. Angels don't dance."
"Really? None of them?"
"Well, except for Aziraphel. But he doesn't really count."
"So what are you here for? Do you need to awaken my memories of my
previous angelic incarnation so that I can help fight against the few
demons who refuse to abide by the terms of the treaty between the
World of Angels and the World of Demons?"
The Seraph gave Philip his best "You're Weird" look.
"No. But there is a world which you are needed to help save."
"Really? Cool. What world?"
"The world of Fated."
"Final Fantasy: Fated?"
"Yes."
"Is it too late for me to take a few hours and read it?"
*********************************************************************
"Hey, Kiz!" Karine Onethe called to her cabbit partner. "I'm going
out to get supplies. Need anything?"
Kizn hopped into view. "A dozen attractive, nubile females would be
nice," he answered.
Karine chuckled. "Nope, I don't think I can get that for you.
Anything else?"
"Just a little snack food, then," Kizn answered. "I'd like some Ritz
crackers, the latest Jennifer Lopez CD, and a garden trowel."
"I'll see what I can find," Karine promised. "Anything else you
need?"
"Nope," Kizn answered. "But you're going to leave me here, all by
myself, while you go out and have fun?" The cabbit's face gave the
impression that he would have pouted had he possessed the necessary
facial muscles.
"This is Kalm, Kiz," Karine said, sighing. "Nothing important
happens
here. Nothing exciting happens here." She waved a hand around the
interior of their inn room, ignoring the premonition that yes, in a
few days, something very important might just happen in that very
room. Annoying things, these premonitions, but she'd been getting
them lately for some reason. "Anyway, try to stay out of trouble
'till I get back, 'k?"
Kizn hopped up onto the bed. "Ah, you know me."
"Yes, I do. Which is why I said 'try,' you know. See ya in a bit."
She left the inn and headed for the item shops, hoping that she had
enough gil left to cover expenses. On the way, she thought to
herself that if a week ago someone had told her that she'd be heading
back to Midgar, with a strange creature that looked like a cross
between a cat and a rabbit as her new traveling companion, she would
have laughed very hard at that person then told them to get the hell
away from her, as she hated dealing with the obviously insane.
But then, it only started a few days ago...
*********************************************************************
Karine woke up with a horrible headache.
"Damn," she muttered, rolling over in her bed and attempting to pull
the covers back over her head. "I could've sworn I didn't have
*that* much to drink last night."
(Besides,) she thought to herself, (I don't *get* hangovers, do I?)
After a few minutes, she figured that resistance was futile, so she
got
up. Squinting in the disgustingly bright sunlight, she made her way
over to the small sink that was in her inn room, and tried to
remember exactly where she was.
"Costa del Sol," she said. "In the cheapest motel I could find. I
got in last afternoon and..."
She remembered checking in, remembered coming up here, and
then...nothing. She thought she was going to go down to the bar that
evening, but now she couldn't actually remember doing it. That whole
period, from between last night and this morning, was a complete
blank.
"Damn," she muttered again. She bent down to the sink, splashed a
little cold water on her face, and looked at her reflection in the
mirror. Something seemed somewhat out of place. Wasn't her hair a
little shorter than it used to be?
"Right, right," she said to herself. "I pass out and wake up the
next
morning with a haircut. Sure." It didn't matter that she was the
only person in the room; she often talked to herself. She even did
it when others were around, and didn't care a bit about the strange
looks she got.
With a sigh, she got dressed and tried to recall what her plans for
the
day were. "I was gonna just head to the beach and relax, but..."
A strange thought echoed through her head. (I should go to Midgar.
Something really big is going to happen there.)
"What?" She shook her head. "All right, when did I go and get
clairvoyant?" But it was *true* somehow, oddly enough. She had a
feeling that something very important was about to happen in Midgar.
"Midgar. Why did it have to be Midgar?" she asked. "I swore I'd
never go back, and..." Well, it wasn't exactly true. But it had
been two years since she left, and until now, she'd never had any
regrets about leaving or desires to return.
"Wonder how everybody's doing? Unless the Shinra bastards fired 'em
all." She hadn't seen her family since that day, two years ago.
Never tried calling them, never sent them letters. Would they even
care if she came back? Did she want to see them?
"Ah, hell. I don't want to go. Forget it."
(If I go to Midgar, I'll finally have a purpose.)
"Purpose? Do I want a purpose in life?"
(If I go to Midgar, things will change.)
"Do I want things to change? I mean here I am, living..." She
stopped
and took a good look around the room, at the yellowing walls and
cracked plaster ceiling.
"Free?" she finished lamely. Reaching for her wallet, she dumped her
remaining gil on her lap and counted it.
"All right, I have enough for one big blowout here, or I could hop
the
ferry to Junon, hire a guide to Kalm, and then head for Midgar. So
what'll it be?"
(If I go to Midgar, I might just become very important.)
A few minutes later, she was packing her bags.
*********************************************************************
Karine leaned over the railing of the Junon-Costa del Sol ferry,
ignoring the idiot who was standing up in the bow proclaiming that he
was the king of the world. Her small knapsack of belongings sat by
her left foot, and she held her spear, Valkyrie, in her right hand.
"Why am I doing this again?" she asked, before feeling something bump
against her right foot. She looked down.
Standing there was a small creature that looked like a cross between
a cat and a rabbit. At first, she assumed it was a stuffed animal of
sorts until it blinked. She couldn't help but smile at it.
"Awww...aren't you cute?" she said. She looked around quickly to
make sure that no one was watching her. After all, her badass
reputation would be ruined if people found out that she actually
liked cute, cuddly creatures. She bent down and patted the cabbit on
the head. It purred.
Encouraged, she set her spear down and picked it up. It immediately
tried to take a bite out of her shirt.
"Bad," she said, bonking it in the nose with her index finger. Hey,
it had always worked when the pet guinea pig she'd had when she was
little tried something.
The cabbit blinked. "Ouch," it said. "You didn't have to do that."
"You talk?" she asked. "Wait, duh, stupid question. Of course you
do. What exactly are you?"
"My name's Pao Pat Mei Kizn," he answered. "But just call me Kizn."
"Okay...But why were you trying to eat my shirt?"
"I was hungry," Kizn stated simply, as if the answer was obvious.
Karine frowned. "Shirts are not for eating."
"Why not?" Kizn asked.
"All right, let me amend that. I don't give a damn about anyone
else's, but *my* shirts are not for eating."
"Okay." Kizn was silent for a few minutes. "How about your pants,
then?"
"What?!" Karine nearly dropped him. "Look, none of my belongings are
for eating. Or else I'll bonk you in the nose again."
Kizn wrinkled his nose. "Ouch. You're very cranky, you know."
Karine shrugged. "I've been called worse."
"You're warm and soft, though."
Karine realized exactly where she'd been holding Kizn, and quickly
set him down on the deck. "So what do you want?"
Kizn looked back up at her. "Dunno. I just wander around from place
to place. You humans always seem to get mad at me though. I don't
understand."
"Well, what does your diet usually consist of?" Karine inquired.
"Whatever's around," Kizn said nonchalantly.
Karine blinked. "Um...I don't think that's possible."
"Oh, it is. I can eat anything. But I get lonely."
"Lonely?" Karine asked.
"Yeah. It's no fun traveling if there's no one to travel with and no
place in particular to go." He scratched behind one of his ears with
his paw. "So where are you going?"
"Midgar," she stated.
"Oh. Can I come with you?"
Karine started to say no, but Kizn looked up at her with his eyes all
wide and adorable. "Yeah, I guess. No real reason why you can't.
But..." She bent down and picked up her spear. "See this? If you
try and eat any of my stuff, you're going to get very well acquainted
with this."
Kizn shrugged, or at least Karine thought he shrugged. "I wouldn't
do that now. You're my partner."
"Okay..." Karine said skeptically.
"Besides, it doesn't look very tasty."
*********************************************************************
"And that," Karine muttered to herself as she pushed open the door to
the Kalm item shop, "is the story of how I ended up with a talking
cat-rabbit for a partner."
*********************************************************************
Diablos: Um, kid... a cabbit?
#445: But I like furry furry friends--
Diablos: DO NOT EVEN THINK OF STARTING WITH THAT SONG!
*********************************************************************
After Karine shut the door behind herself, the cabbit had curled up
on the table and catnapped.
About twenty minutes later, he awoke to the sound of voices in the
hall outside of their room.
Not moving from his relaxed pose, he opened his eyes the slightest
amount, and listened.
"Now, Mihoshi. We have to make a good impression on the local
authorities. How we perform on this mission could affect whether
ShinRa decides to join the Galactic Community," he heard a female
voice say in an impatient, almost patronizing tone. "We're after a
heavily-armed criminal, who's accompanied by an extremely dangerous
experimental laboratory creature. We have to be careful."
"Right. I won't let you down!" a second female voice, apparently
'Mihoshi', asserted.
Listening to their breathing, he guessed that they were at the door.
Sure enough, after a moment there was a 'click' and the door slowly
swung open.
An attractive blue-haired woman in an unfamiliar uniform, strangely
enough including a fake bunny tail, cautiously entered the darkened
room, gun at the ready.
Following her, there was a blonde woman in a similar uniform, who
entered the room in what appeared to be an amateurish effort to
imitate her companion's motions.
Both proceeded into the room, the blue-haired woman taking the right
side of the room, and Mihoshi taking the left.
Taking another step forwards Mihoshi bumped into the table Kizn was
sitting on. Having been paying more attention to where Mihoshi was
going than she had, Kizn had been expecting this and easily regained
his footing.
Mihoshi promptly brought her gun to bear on the cabbit. "Galaxy
Police! Freeze!"
Kizn leaned forward slightly and bit the barrel off of her gun.
Mihoshi looked at the remains of her gun and sweatdropped. "Please
don't eat my gun."
The blue-haired woman called out to her companion in a tone of well
practiced exasperation. "It's the Lab Creature, use the stun gun!
We're supposed to take it alive."
Kizn blinked cutely at the blonde Galaxy Police Officer for a moment.
Mihoshi suddenly turned and faced her partner. Without hesitating,
she drew her stun gun and took aim.
"Not on me!" the blue-haired officer called out plaintively, and then
collapsed as the stun gun rendered her unconscious.
Kizn hopped into Mihoshi's arms, and begain to purr as he started to
eat her uniform.
*********************************************************************
A little while later, Karine re-entered the room to find two
unconscious, mostly naked women and a furiously purring Kizn.
"Again, Kiz?" she groaned. "What is that, the fourth time this
week?"
*********************************************************************
#445: There! (Heads off towards the kitchen)
Diablos: (hops down from #445's shoulder.) Now it's my turn.
He begins hopping from one key to another.
Diablos: Let's see what those happy-happy twits make of this!
*********************************************************************
Late that night, within Shinra's cloning facility, Dr. Serise's
creation grew. While she would be shocked at its appearance, it was
perfectly formed. Feline in form, but covered in hard black scales.
It had a blue-black mane and a long tail that might be mistaken for a
tentacle. But most striking was the readout on the encepholograph,
which recorded brain waves that were almost human...
Wallace lived again.
*********************************************************************
Bri turned towards Gabriel. "This is the store. Wait outside, I'll
go and collect the reward." Without pausing to wait for a response,
she began walking towards the store.
After Bri disapeared into the store, Inno focussed on Gabriel. "You
trust her to honestly split the money with you? I wouldn't."
"Why not?" asked the bishonen treasure hunter.
"Call it woman's intuition."
Before Gabriel could reply Bri came back out of the store. "On second
thought, Gabe, why don't you come inside with me?"
Gabriel blinked. "What for?"
"To get fitted for your tux, of course."
"Excuse me?"
"Your tux for the ball. I can't go alone, after all. It just wouldn't
look right."
"I thought we discussed this. I'm not going to a ba--" Gabriel was
cut off in mid-word by a feminine scream from inside the store. "What
was that?"
"Let's go find out."
*********************************************************************
Entering the store, Bri immediately oriented on the storekeeper (it
should be noted that at this point he seemed to be developing a
nervous twitch).
"What's going on?" Bri demanded of the alarmed storekeeper.
Gabriel looked around. "Wasn't there another young lady with you?"
he asked Inno.
"Oh, Les!" Inno remembered. "I completely forgot!" She too marched
up to the shopkeeper. "My friend who was in here with me, where did
she go?"
He opened his mouth to speak, but was interrupted by another feminine
shriek, and merely pointed at the changing rooms.
His natural instinct to rescue damsels in distress, or catch them
when they faint demanding immediate action, Gabriel sprinted in the
direction indicated by the storekeeper.
Bri paused to address the storekeeper, "This will cost you extra."
Without giving the storekeeper a chance to reply, she headed towards
the change room.
Catching the storekeeper's eye Inno smiled weakly.
The storekeeper stared at her for a moment before seeming to realize
something. "Hey! You didn't pay for that sweater."
"I'm sorry, I didn't plan on being kidnapped by a bunch of Soldiers!"
"Well give it back now."
"But I left my blouse in the change room!"
"I don't care! Give back the sweater before someone else kidnaps
you!"
*********************************************************************
Bri reached the change room in time to catch Gabriel in the process
of exiting hastily. A shout of "Hey!" and a blunt impact could be
heard from the other side of the door.
Bri shook her head. "Men..." Walking up to the door, she continued.
"Listen up, girls, I'm kicking down this door in five seconds, so
either open up or get out of my way!" Counting to five she raised
her scythe to bash in the door, and then it opened.
"Everything's fine in here, pal. My associate just ate this girl's
sweater, that's all," Karine stated calmly.
"Heh...?" Bri lowered her scythe before continuing. "Associate?"
Karine pointed to the fuzzy little critter in the corner of the room
munching on the remains of a sweater.
In the next booth over an attractive young woman held the curtain
across her otherwise bare chest, as she stared at Kizn.
Turning towards the topless girl Bri asked; "Hey, you alright?
You're 'Les', right?"
The girl glared at her. "No, that's my name."
Bri sweatdropped. "That's what I meant. Les, Inno's friend."
Les blinked. "Oh yes, I am."
"Are you all right?" Bri repeated.
"Oh, yes," Les repeated. "Thank you, sir. I'm sorry about throwing
my shoe at you..."
"Heh...?"
Gabriel rubbed his head as be hesitantly peaked into the room. "Does
this belong to anyone in here?" he asked holding up a shoe.
"This is touching and everything, but how about you two guys get out
of the women's change area before I let you get better acquainted
with this?" Karine said punctuating her sentence by producing a spear
seemingly out of nowhere.
*********************************************************************
Outside the change room Les, now dressed, explained what had happened
to Inno and apologized to Gabriel for hitting him with her shoe (she
probably swooned over him or something. It's the Sephiroth DNA, you
see.)
"He was so cute, so I picked him up... and then the next thing I know
he's eaten half of my
sweater!"
Kizn chose this moment to sigh contentedly and then smile, showing
off a full set of pointy teeth. "Oh, pardon me, ladies." He looked
at Les before continuing. "I was hungry. Your sweater was very
tasty."
Les stared at the talking cabbit for several seconds and fainted.
Fulfilling his genetic imperatives once more, Gabriel caught her
before she could hit the
ground.
"You can talk," Bri said as she picked up the cabbit.
"So can you." The cabbit focused his adorable cabbit eyes on her and
said "Niyow."
"Waa! kawaii!" Bri said, in a possible effort to disprove her status
as a being capable of
communicating intelligently. Hugging Kizn, she was caught off guard
as he proceeded to
eat her jacket. Realizing what he was doing, she shrieked and
dropped him.
"Take it easy... ma'am," Karine said, snickering.
"I thought as much. Why is such a pretty girl dressed up like a
guy?" Kizn asked as he finished chewing and swallowed the last of
Bri's jacket.
"That's none of your business, furball!" Bri said angrily as she
covered her chest with her
arms.
Curiously observing the angry woman, Kizn began to lazily circle her
in an effort to get a better view. "That's an interesting tattoo on
your back. What's the story behind it?"
Bri stopped hugging her chest and reached behind herself to touch the
tattoo the cabbit had mentioned. It was a '2'.
Gabriel frowned to himself, perhaps in recognition, and without
seeming to notice it, touched the corresponding spot on his own back.
*********************************************************************
Somewhere out there in the great wastes of Midgar, Cloud Strife
frowned to himself, perhaps in confusion, and without seeming to
notice it, he touched his pants. Realizing that they were indeed in
the same place where he generally wore them, he smiled in relief, and
the other PCs looked at him weird. At that point, however, he ended
up having bigger things to worry about, because suddenly a flying
chamber pot sailed out of nearby window and coldcocked the poor boy.
And not for the first time in this continuity, Cloud Strife ate
asphalt like caramel popcorn.
Among the heroes of FF7, the epic drama just goes on and on..
*********************************************************************
Not noticing Gabriel's reaction, nor aware of Cloud's pant-check, Bri
simply admonished the cabbit. "That's none of your business, either!"
Taking advantage of her distraction, Kizn took the opportunity to get
a good look, both at her chest, and at her tattoo. (Cabbits have
excellent peripheral vision, you know.)
A vest dropped over Bri's arms, covering her from the prying eyes of
Kizn. She hastily pulled it on. "Thank you, Gabe. I knew there had
to be at least one gentleman left in the world."
"Where?" Kizn asked from his place on the floor.
Karine snickered slightly in response.
"It was my pleasure," a voice that was not Gabriel's said. "It would
be a betrayal of the Woodshaft family honor to ignore a lady in
need."
Bri turned to see a boy about her age smiling at her. He did have a
striking resemblance to Gabriel, but his eyes were gray and his black
hair was longer. He was dressed in white pants, a gray shirt and a
short light-blue jacket with no sleeves. A matching blue bandanna
was tied around his head. "Allow me to introduce myself," he said,
"my name is Kain Woodshaft. However," he smiled and winked at her,
"if you want to call me 'Gabe', you can feel free to. In fact, you
can call me anything you like."
Bri didn't say anything, she was too busy glaring at Gabriel. The
black haired young man was calmly settling the dispute that had
broken out between the store manager and Inno.
"And whom might you be?" Kain asked, handing Bri a shirt from off the
table nearest to him. "Try this, it looks like its your size."
Bri muttered something under her breath and disappeared into the
change room. A minute later she returned in a rather tight white
shirt. "Thanks," she mumbled to Kain, handing him back his vest.
She walked over to the till, pulling out a wallet.
Kain smiled and followed her. "My pleasure. I feel that if we took
just a little more time to help out those less fortunate then
ourselves, things would be much better."
Bri looked at the tag in her hand and then counted out the amount on
the counter. She placed the walled in her back pocket, and then she
gave Kain a very icy glare. "Look, I said 'thank-you'. That's all
you're getting from me, pal."
"Kain," he corrected. "My name's Kain." Bri glared at him again.
He cleared his throat. "Well, I can see my work here is done. I'll
see you around, beautiful." He slapped Bri's backside and walked out
the door.
Bri grit her teeth. "That... bastard touched me. That's sexual
harassment. That's completely unacceptable--"
"He also walked off with your wallet," Gabriel told her calmly.
"Smooth," Karine remarked.
"No one cons me," Bri hissed. "Which way did that little monster
go?"
"I'll eat him for you if I can have the rest of your clothing for
dessert," Kizn offered, but was ignored.
Karine smirked.
"Did I buy too many levels of Arcane or something?" the cabbit said,
regarding the door that Bri had exited through.
Suddenly, three zombies lunged from the back of the store and tackled
the storekeeper. He screamed. A cop dashed past them.
"Where'd the zombies come from?" Karine asked, furrowing her brow in
puzzlement.
"Karine, I think you're old enough to know where zombies come from,"
Kizn replied glibly.
Karine rolled her eyes slightly. "Right, I suppose I'd better deal
with this." Seemingly palming her spear from a concealed location on
her person, and leaving the last of them barely enough time to say
'Brainzz....', reduced the zombies to scattered body parts.
The shopkeeper, having failed his SAN check, gibbered.
Kizn sniffed experimentally at a decayed finger that had landed near
him.
*********************************************************************
Kain walked down the alleyway, going through Bri's wallet in a
well-practiced manner, a manner that made it appear the wallet was
his own. "Not a bad stash," he remarked, rifling through the paper
bills she had. "I thought only ShinRa executives carried paper Gil."
"So you've robbed a few ShinRa higher ups, have you?"
Kain turned to see the girl he'd mugged standing behind him. She was
holding a rather deadly looking scythe in one hand. He frowned.
(The metal that blade is made from looks familiar...) He thought,
reaching for the chain around his neck. "What's your scythe made out
of?" he asked.
"I can tell you that you'd welcome the wrath of ShinRa over my own,"
Bri was saying. She stopped and blinked. "My... scythe?" She
frowned. "Don't try and smooth talk your way out of this one, thief,
you picked the wrong girl on the wrong day."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Kain waved his hand dismissively. "Let me guess,
your boyfriend, this Gabe fellow, is gonna make sure I'm on the
receiving end of some pain for the trouble I caused you."
"What? He is *not* my boyfriend!" Bri snapped. "And I certainly
don't need him to take care of... street filth like you."
"Methinks the lady doth protest too much," Kain remarked. He raised
a hand and beckoned her forward. "C'mon, girl, let's see what you've
got."
Bri rushed forward, and Kain stepped to the side. She swirled
around, swinging the scythe, and he dropped rolling to the floor.
"Pretty fast... for a girl," he smirked, dodging another swing.
"Those swings look like they'd hurt... if they could make contact."
"Why don't you hold still long enough to find out?" she asked.
"Ah, very clever, grasshopper," Kain waggled a finger at her, "but
you have yet to snatch the stone from my hand."
Bri stopped in midswing. "What?"
Kain shrugged. "Don't ask me. My brother always said crackhead
things like that when I was trying to kick his ass."
"Oh, did he ever warn you against dropping your guard?"
"Huh?" Kain asked as Bri's scythe connected with his stomach and sent
him flying into a pile of junk along side the alley.
"Hey, Bri, I've got some bad news," Gabriel called, walking into the
alleyway. "I talked to the storekeeper, and he can't pay up in
Gil... but he's willing to outfit us all for this Ball thing for
payment for returning the sweater... oh and Inno has to work in the
shop for a week." He paused, looking from her to the unconscious
Kain. "Are you rifling through his wallet?"
Bri shrugged. "He went through mine." She pulled out a picture.
"Look at this... the little softie carries around a family picture.
Must be the brother he mentioned."
Gabriel reached forward and took the picture. Two boys looked up at
the camera, the older one grinning and showing off an archery medal.
The younger, which he recognized to the be the unconscious thief, was
scowling a little, trying to squirm out of his brother's arm around
his shoulders. (Yeah, I remember that day,) Gabriel thought
silently. He looked over at the boy on the ground. (Is this what
you've made of yourself, Kain? Are you nothing more than a petty
thief?)
As if in response, Kain moaned and opened his eyes. Bri wandered
over to him, a smug expression on her face. "So," she asked,
leaning over him, "going to think twice about taking things that
don't belong to you?"
Kain blinked, and then got up and hugged her tightly. "There you
are! I was so worried about you, boss!" Bri couldn't even react.
He let her go and stepped back.
Gabriel frowned. (Kain's eyes aren't that color...)
The boy turned his golden eyes on him and very politely asked, "Have
you seen Sofee?"
*********************************************************************
Les opened her eyes to regard the massive two heads of Hello Kitty.
Suppressing the urge to scream, she blinked and refocused her eyes.
"Hi, Inno. Are you going through another exhibitionistic phase?"
"Les! Are you alright?" Inno asked, staring down at her friend.
"I'm fine, I just find talking cabbits a little unsettling. So, why
are you showing off your Hello Kitty Sports Bra to the world?"
Inno looked down at her self and blushed. "The shopkeeper won't let
me buy anything on credit until I pay off the damages the Soldiers
did to the store, and I can't seem to find my blouse."
Les paused for a moment. "I think the cabbit ate it."
"I have to walk home like this?" Inno replied, plaintively.
"Don't worry about it. It makes you look sexy," Les said with a
smirk, before she stood up and gave Inno a quick kiss.
*********************************************************************
Meanwhile, somewhere in the Veldt, Requiem was hitting on Duo
Maxwell.
*********************************************************************
"Blast it, Kiz. Why do you have to be so easily distracted?" Karine
grumbled as she walked down the streets of Midgar. "'You go on
ahead,
I'll catch up.' Yeah, right. Why did I agree to this?" She shook
her
head. "I haven't been acting like myself at all lately."
Sighing, she glanced up at a nearby street sign. "Sector 6. Huh.
I'm
almost home, then. Well, almost underneath home. Unless they've
been kicked out by now. It's possible... Nah. They'd never be able
to piss off Shinra *that* much. Unlike me." She grinned for a
moment, but it quickly faded. She sighed again. "And look where
that got me."
"Karine Onethe," a voice called from behind her. "Fancy seeing you
here."
She turned to see a young man with bright red hair, sunglasses, and
disheveled clothing idly leaning against a street lamp. She *knew*
he
hadn't been there before. Then again, he'd always been able to sneak
up on her.
"Reno..." she said evenly. "Haven't seen you in quite some time.
Does
Shinra know that you're mocking the Turks' uniform?"
"Actually..." Reno reached inside the pocket of his jacket and pulled
out a small leather case. "I *am* a Turk." Idly, he opened the case
and showed her his Shinra ID. "See?"
"Well...that changes everything now, doesn't it?" Karine replied.
Again she wondered exactly how she had managed to get herself into
this kind of situation.
"Going to see your folks?" Reno asked idly. "Your dad got a
promotion
recently, you know."
"How did you...oh. Yeah, you would have access to Shinra employee
files, wouldn't you?"
Reno nodded. "They still live up on the plate. Sector 7, I think."
"You don't think, Reno, you *know.* What are you getting at?"
"Why, Kari, if I didn't know you better, I'd almost believe that
sounded like you cared." He smirked.
"Bastard," she spat.
"Anyway, I was hoping you'd come back."
"And why's that? You missed me that much? Gosh, I didn't even know
I meant something to you." She smirked at Reno, trying to look as
nonchalant as possible. Inside, though, she was getting more and
more nervous. Getting cornered by a Turk, even one that she once
knew, was not a good thing.
"Sorry, sweetheart, but it's not that. Y'see, we've been told to
keep a lookout for certain people. We can't exactly have them
running around saying disparaging things about our company, can we
now?"
"Oh, so Shinra's not only in control of people's lives, but they want
to control people's minds too?! You make me sick." She clenched her
fists and glared at Reno.
"Temper, temper, Kari. And you've just proved my point exactly." He
snapped his fingers, and a line of Shinra MPs stepped from the
shadows.
Karine silently cursed. How on earth had she managed to miss
noticing
those? Either Shinra had gotten a lot better since she'd left
Midgar, or she'd suddenly started to get careless. Very careless.
Reno's dropped the teasing tone in his voice. "Now, are you going to
come quietly, or are we going to have to..." He drew his nightstick
and twirled it around a few times. "...persuade you?"
Karine gritted her teeth and pulled out Valkyrie. Suddenly, an idea
occurred to her. She smiled and ran her left hand over the three
green materia in the slots on her spear. With a soft chuckle, she
turned to face the Shinra MPs. "See these?" she asked. "These aren't
your dinky little elemental materia that you can just walk into a
store and buy. I've been traveling around for a while now, and I've
picked up a few things that you normally wouldn't find at this stage
of the game." She blinked and wondered why she had said that.
"Do tell," Reno said sarcastically.
The line of Shinra MPs raised their guns.
(Damn, they called my bluff. Oh, well, nothing to do now but...)
In one swift motion, she raised the spear high into the air and
concentrated one on of the materia. "Mini!" she yelled. At the same
time, Reno swung his nightstick and sent a odd-looking orange stream
of light at her.
Karine felt herself shrinking, a trick she'd used once or twice
before.
But something felt strange this time...
She looked down at herself to find that her arms and legs were
extremely short and stubby, and her head was almost as big as the
rest of her body.
"Dammit, Reno!" she squeaked. "What the *hell* did you do to me?!"
Reno smirked. "Materia Disruption Field™," he answered,
tapping his
nightstick against his leg a few times. "An experimental Shinra
device. Looks like your Transform Materia turned into a
Chibification Materia."
SD-Karine sweatdropped. It was likely that casting the spell on
herself again would change her back to normal, but those MPs still
had their guns trained on her. It was best to go with her original
plan; namely, run like hell while they're not expecting it.
She glared at Reno in the most frightening manner that a chibi could
muster, then dashed towards him at full speed, which, due to her
current state, was actually startlingly fast. She ran past the
surprised Turk and headed for the alleyways of Midgar.
Reno blinked in surprise, then noted that the Shinra MPs were still
just standing there, pointing their guns at the spot where Karine had
been a few seconds earlier. He groaned. "After her, you idiots!"
The group of MPs saluted and marched off.
Reno put a hand to his forehead. "Idiots," he muttered. "First the
girl in the church, and now *this.*" He briefly considered radioing
Tseng or Rude for backup, but then decided that it just wasn't worth
the teasing he would receive from them. Sighing, he followed his
troops.
*********************************************************************
SD-Karine, meanwhile, had found a nice hiding place behind a stack of
crates in an alleyway. Gasping for breath in an adorable manner, she
sat there, listening to the sounds of her pursuers fading into the
distance.
"Heh," she said softly. "That was fun, and easy."
She stepped out from behind the crates and came face to face with a
rather mean-looking alley cat.
"Oh, *crap!*" she exclaimed as she took off again, the cat in hot
pursuit.
(I am going to *hurt* Kizn when I see him again.)
*********************************************************************
Having been separated from his companion, Kizn was alone when the
Turks found him.
Backed into a corner by a superior force, he did not panic. Instead
he called upon his feline instincts. For thousands of years, cats had
been both hunter and hunted, able to survive under virtually any
circumstances.
These instincts had not been dulled by Dr. Kadowaki's genetic
tampering, if anything they had been enhanced.
Thus Kizn did not think about his situation. Without hesitation, he
acted in the fashion his instincts told him would best serve him
under these circumstances.
"Ah, he's purring," Elena almost-gushed as she regarded her quarry.
As she scooped him up into her arms the cabbit's expression became,
for but a moment, almost unbearably smug. "I'll take him back to
headquarters. The rest of you go help the other team. Though if she's
as much trouble as this 'highly dangerous laboratory subject' they
shouldn't need it."
*********************************************************************
Gabriel crossed off the next name on his list. How many more mortals
must he see? It felt like he'd visited half the planet already. He
was feeling somewhat cranky and jet lagged from zig- zagging across
the globe. Thus, he decided to forego the fanfare, and simply
materialized in the recorded location of the next vic- er, volunteer.
He blinked. Twice. The room was pitch black, despite the fact that it
was nearly noon outside. A pile of clothing defied gravity in one
corner, and a disturbing variety of things that hummed and blinked
took up the rest of the room. From somewhere underneath the mess, a
tossled looking figure sat up and blinked sleepily.
"Wazzit? Izzit classtime already?"
Gabriel quickly regained his composure, and began with the standard
line. "Be not afraid, for..."
"Sarah's room's the next one down." The girl said, laying back down.
"Er... Are you not Sasha Harlow?"
"Yeah..." She said, squinting at him nearsightedly. "Who are you?"
"Behold, for I am Gab..."
"Are you the pizza delivery guy? 'Cuz I didn't order it this time."
"No. I am the Voice of..."
"I know, they told you I'd make lunch, right? Sorry, not today. Need
sleep."
"SILENCE. As I was saying, I am the Archangel Gabriel and..."
"You're not..."
"Do not mention Christopher Walken's name."
"Who?" She shook her head "I was going to ask 'You're not going to
drop your pants, are you?'"
"Er... no." Did she actually look disappointed?
"Are you going to charge me with a holy mission to save the world?"
"Well, yes, that's what I was about..."
"Can I get another couple hours sleep first?"
"No."
"Will you write a note to my instructors to get me out of finals?"
"No."
"Are we there yet?"
"Yes."
The world went dark.
*********************************************************************
The Other was sulking. Shinra gets an army, the Planet gets a bunch
of overpowered freaks, Jenova gets hundreds of clones and an entire
church, and all It ever got were two girls, one that fainted at the
drop of a hat, and a fluffy bunny. It just wasn't fair.
Out of boredom, It sent an impulse to Its host, causing her to cast a
random spell and then faint into the arms of the man she was walking
beside. Pathetic. I wonder how much a new host would cost me?
Casting out tendrils of thought, the Other began looking for Jenova.
Unfortunately, It was still unable to locate her. Several thousand
years without a decent snack. It figures.
It paused when Its mind brushed up against something puzzling. A
powerful consciousness, and one with a strong desire and potential to
destroy this world.
{You there. Wanna team up and destroy creation?}
{...}
It wasn't so much that the creature was ignoring It, which would be
intolerable, rather than he didn't seem to hear It at all.
{HEY YOU!!}
{...}
{YOU, IN THE MAKO TUBE!!! I'M TALKING TO YOU!!!}
{Oh, where you talking to me?}
{Do you see anyone else in a mako vat around here? You wanna destroy
the world or what?}
{...}
{HEY!!}
{Oh. Yeah, sure. Sounds like fun.}
*********************************************************************
Elsewhere, a bishonen form lay dormant. As long as he did not rise,
the world would remain a safer place. For this bishonen was a dark
being. Incredibly powerful, ruthless, and beautiful, he was quite
capable of destroying the lives and souls of others if it would help
him acquire the power he sought.
However, Nakago isn't actually in this fic, so we won't spend too
much time worrying about it.
Which is good, because it frees us up to worry about other
interdimensional terrors, such as ClassicDrogn and Shania Twain.
*********************************************************************
The black-scaled creature flexed his powers, testing the confines of
the Mako Tube™. The Other offered him a way to recreate this
world, to make it over in his image. He smiled razor sharp teeth, and
unleashed the full force of his fledgling powers.
Everything in the vicinity of the new-born wavered and rippled,
losing description. Lab aides began to act wildly out of character,
smiling and dancing and skipping a great deal of dialog. Finally, the
clear sides of the tube ceased to be under the onslaught.
It had only a second to realize this had probably been a mistake
before he and a few hundred gallons of Mako violently exited the now
sideless tube.
Bruised and sopping wet, the creature rose, fixing glowing eyes on
the hapless witnesses to his humiliation. "Die, nameless characters!
Depixelate for me!" It tore it's way through many strangely similar,
nameless employees before leaping from the lab's window to the city
far below, insane laughter following it down.
Before he struck the pavement, the construct realized that the
elevator probably would have been less painful.
*********************************************************************
Elsewhere in Shinra Headquarters, Jose the sanitary engineer opened a
storage closet to regard the sleeping, and mostly unclothed form of
Elena, her uniform apparently chewed off.
He would have been better able to deal with that strange, though not
unpleasant image if not for the overly kawaii and furry creature
which sat atop the somnolent Turk.
He gave up trying to deal with it when the kawaii thing spoke.
"Shh. She's sleeping," the cabbit said as he padded off the Turk and
out of the closet.
Jose blinked in response.
"If anyone asks where the Mystile went to, you don't know anything
about that. Oh, and don't eat the interocitors, they're spoiled."
*********************************************************************
The Specimen, bored with waiting to do its job, was amusing itself by
blowing away anyone who happened to wander by. After playing around
a bit, of course.
"[NONE WILL PASS THIS PLACE UNLESS THEY ARE EVIL!] So, are you evil,
bozo?"
"Um..." The latest innocent victim looked nervous, then steeled
himself. "YES I AM! I... gamble, I drink a lot, I shoplifted when I
was eight years old-"
"[YES...]"
"I'm downright satanic! In fact... I've even had impure thoughts
about my pets! MWAAAHAAHAAA!!"
"[EVIL, YES...]" Then there was a loud *BYOOOONNN* sound as the guy
was vaporized by a blast of Beta. "[...BUT ALSO REALLY DAMN BORING.]
Well, that was kinda relaxing. *sigh* Wonder when those guys I
gotta kill are going to get here."
{Tell me when they find you. I don't want them to even be able to
crawl away afterward.}
The Specimen blinkblinked. "HEY! Who the hell are you?!"
{All you have to know is that you had better shut up and do what I
say if you want to live.}
Icy, homicidal anger was the response from the Specimen. "Oh,
THREATS
from the new creepy voice in my head? I'm sooooo scared. There's
something YOU'D better remember: I DON'T respond well to pressure.
So in other words, [[DON'T TRY TO INTIMIDATE ME!!]] ...And remind me
to thank Woofer for showing me I can use double Brackets of Power."
{...whafuck?}
The Specimen shook its head. "I dunno where that came from either...
ANYway, the other voice learned ordering me around doesn't work so
good. You remember that."
{Wait. Other voice? What other voice?}
~This other voice! I've been directing this thing for years now, and
I
don't intend to let anyone else control it. Do you think you can just
barge in here and take over?~
{Yeah. Bitch.}
~Is that right!?! Well, I'll have you know *I* own this creature-~
"Uh..."
~And it does my bidding! MY BIDDING! NOT YOURS!~
"Uh..."
*********************************************************************
The heroes paused. "Do you hear that music? There must be a boss
fight coming up..." The group stopped short when they noticed the
raving derelict shouting at himself.
"DAMMIT! [SHUT UP IN THERE!!]" the Specimen yelled, repeatedly
*CLONK*ing itself in the head with the flat of its hammer.
The party backed away slowly.
The Specimen stopped pounding on itself, and stared through the party
as its eyes refocused. "Damn! They're here!"
{KILL 'EM!}
"Sounds like a plan!" Showing much more intelligence than usual, it
remembered to use a spell to start the fight. Its E Skill materia
glowed, and with a screech that revealed a bad sound effects budget,
a shield of yellow energy appeared between the Specimen and the
party. Its movements instantly doubled in speed. "Whoa. This Big
Guard spell is great..."
It was just barely enough to let it dodge Aerith's first Fire spell.
As the blast of flame exploded an inch away from its face, it yelled,
"AUGH! Ultra's Satan is out for my blood!" It jumped back and held
up its hammer again. "OK, let's see if this keeps ya occupied...
DEATH SENTENCE!"
A big skull appeared over Cloud's head, fading out and being replaced
with a timer. Cloud bigsweated. "Uhhh... we'd better beat this guy
in one minute or less..." The multi-pinheaded ex-SOLDIER wasted a
few seconds trying to look over the top of his own head, until his
eight remaining brain cells fired up again. Cloud rushed the
Specimen, swinging viciously. The Specimen took Cloud's slash
full-on. Thanks to the Barrier, and its own inhuman toughness, it
had about as much effect as X-Pac hitting Big Show. It countered
with a hammer slam below the belt that should have left Cloud with
his nuts bumping
his collarbone. It turned out to be the only time in history that
anyone had been glad they were turned to stone. (Fun fact: Added
Effect linked with a level 1 Contain can still Petrify, Confuse and
Stop anyone hit with it!)
Every other man for a quarter-mile around went sterile in sympathy.
No, not including the Specimen. I said "man."
"Haw! I just petrified the pointy-haired guy! BOOYAKA!!" the
Specimen
shouted, back to its typical manic smile.
{Good start. I made sure you weren't equipped with the Standard
Lameass Materia, so you should be able to blow the idiots away with
your magic.}
~Wait... 'Pointy-haired guy?' He's important to my-~
{Shut up, bitch.}
"BOTH of ya shut up!" *CLONK CLONK CLONK*
Barret gritted his teeth, grunted, "I'm gonna git you, sucka..." and
took the opportunity to blast The Specimen with a storm of gunfire.
The hail of rounds managed to drop the thing... for a moment.
"The Mr. T talkin' dude just tried to shoot the crap outta me..." the
Specimen said angrily as it spit out a blend of bullets and teeth
(but no blood, somehow). It then went wide-eyed and pointed. "Look!
A Sephiroth clone with a fork doing 'Hamlet'!"
Barret actually turned around.
The Specimen laughed its warped little head off, Malkavian-style.
"Why
don't you chill and take some time to think, microbrain? FREEZE!"
{Just finish them off, will you?! And use Angel Whisper on yourself.
I gave you the most powerful healing spell around for a reason...}
"Nah, I don't need to heal up. Otherwise, sounds good to me." It
fired off several blasts of Matra Magic, nailing most of the party.
As the explosions faded, there was the *CLANG* of a Limit Break
powering up.
The Specimen finally noticed the final member of the group. "Huh.
Didn't notice her before. She must have been doing funky ninja
magic."
{Which one? The martial artist?}
"Probably. Tough lookin' girl, really long hair..." It just stood
there giving her description as Tifa rushed in and launched herself
in a flying kick. "She's... she's wearing a really, REALLY short
minisk-"
*CRACK*
Its head nearly caved in by the former Reboot champ's kick, it didn't
have a chance to fight back as Tifa pounded it into mush. The
Specimen managed to say one more thing as its head was Meteodriven
into the ground: "Nice form... her fighting skills aren't bad
either... urg."
The last thing it heard before losing consciousness was someone
whining, "How did Tifa manage to level up so much faster than the
rest of us?"
*********************************************************************
DIABLOS: How can you make a character that tough who's also that
moronic?
#445: ...You're starting to whine as much as Chippy the Tranvestite
Gnome.
DIABLOS: I wish. At least he only has to fear for his life. And
Magical Girl Hunters is considered great PR where I come from.
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"You're sure that... guy... is important?"
"Definitely. He didn't dissolve after we beat him, so he must be a
recurring character, at least."
The Specimen weakly opened one eye. "Guhhhh..."
"HE'S AWAKE!" The Specimen was quickly surrounded... at a safe
distance. "What's he trying to say?"
It looked at them. "What, don't you say 'guhhhh...' when you wake up
from being pummeled?" Then it stopped, and glanced around
frantically. "Wait a minute... where's Toto? WHERE THE HELL'S
TOTO?"
Instead of an answer, it got a sword stuck in its face. "Who are you,
anyway?" the depetrified Cloud asked, attempting to sound menacing,
despite being doubled over, with a voice several octaves higher than
ususal. 'Man, I think they're busted... I need a night at an inn...'
"Uhhh... my name?" the Specimen said, as pieces of former aliases
shot
through its head. "...uh... Max..." he said uncertainly. Max focused
on Tifa. "um... leer... L-E-A-R! Yeah, that's it!!!!" he (who will no
longer be called 'it' or 'the Specimen') told them with more
exclaimation points than any sane person would use.
"It doesn't matter what your name is." Cloud pointed his sword at
Max's
face. Max blinked and asked, "How is it you can use a sword that big
with those bony little toothpick arms you've got?"
Cloud ran off crying. Aerith went after, calling "Don't listen!
You're a stud!"
Barret took over the irritH^H^H^H^Hinterrogation. "Awright, foo', we
gonna find out where you's from NOW!"
~{DON'T TELL THEM ANYTHING!}~ both voices shouted at him.
"Sorry, but the voices in my head --you know, the ugly bitch and the
one with the silver bishonen hair-- say I can't let you find out
anything."
Everyone backed away slowly.
Gevura pounded his head against a wall.
If Jenova had still had a head, she would have done the same.
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Tune in to the next Fate Game episode to see Bri give an energetic
spanking to Hentai Hunter Gaia! Same bat time, same bat channel.
....or not.
*********************************************************************
The Lady Chaos' Author's Notes:
The Lady Chaos would like to think Mr. Barkow for all his patience in
dealing with her. As it is, she's still too lazy to write her own
Author's Notes. Of course, she does mention that Mr. Barkow added
the shoujo ai in her scene, and that had it been up to her it would
have involved a few more scenes of Requiem hitting on various anime
bishounens just to statisify your desires for Shonen Ai.
On that note, I would like to point out that my contract clearly
states that I do NOT do Shonen Ai scenes--
I have to go now, someone's screaming something about the Kameres
Plushie getting loose.
Inu
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Neovid's Author's Notes:
Since none of the writers so far have cared to detail the adventures
of
the people who are supposed to be the main characters, what the
AVALANCHE members have been doing up until now will have to be
explained in flashbacks in later episodes for you to make any sense
out of what happened in my scenes.
Yeah, like AshH^H^H^HWallace's Fated episode.
Well, yknow what they say, AVALANCHE is better than no LANCHE at all.
No, that line was not stolen from Cerebus. Shut up.
*********************************************************************
Philip's Author's Notes:
Sorry for the delay.
Sorry for the lack of shoujo ai. Next time, I'll try to have more.
Dr. Serise and Scarlett as a couple perhaps?
Beware the Radish
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