#445: (singing) Digimon, digital monsters! (clicks on "messageboard") Digimon are the champions! Digimon, digital mons-- What the hell? Another Ultra episode that shamelessly tarnishes the good name of the Great Master? What, it's not bad enough that no one can write him in character but now they've got to make him job to the other characters? (scans the message board) And...they're finishing Fated?!

#118: (comes in) Are you back at that stupid fanfic site?

#445: They're finishing Fated!

#118: Is that a bad thing?

#445: (indignant glare) Yes! Now what will I read?

#118: (squinting at the tiny text in the update box) Well...they haven't finished it yet. You could read this...Legacy fic instead.

#445: Legacy? Bah! It all went to hell after the first part!

#118: How do you know? Did you read the other parts?

#445: Well...no...but...

#118: (sighs and shakes her head) I don't understand why you bother to go to a place that only serves to annoy you more and more with each visit.

#445: Hey, ever since we got back from Icicle I've just had this physical urge to entertain myself through writing a fanfic. I go to this place to get pointers about the various different writing styles and opinions people have. Then I'll use my assessed knowledge to write...the most kick-ass fanfic of all time!

#118: This wouldn't be that god-awful parody you started a few weeks ago, would it? Cuz we were really hoping it was just part of some weird phase you were going through...

#445: ...My parody is FUNNY. And once I go back and take out all that weird stuff Sephiroth wrote into it, it'll be even FUNNIER.

#118: (sweatdrop) Um, #445? Why don't you just sign up for one of these Impro thingies?

#445: Bah, I want to destroy what others have written for my own twisted pleasure, not have them destroy what I wrote. (He closes down the browser and opens up WORD, preferred word processor program of most Sephiroth clones.)

#118: What are you doing now?

#445: Restarting the parody. Now it really will become....the most Kick-Ass fanfic of all time!

#118: Sure, it will. (walks away) We really need to make sure he takes those Mako pills the doctor prescribed...

In the secret laboratory of Dr. Jonatan Streith, evil plans were being formed. Actually, no, as the College student he was, a student apartment was all that could be afforded, and there were several years of dedicated studies before he could claim a Doctor's title. For the time being, he'd settle for being just an everyday slightly crazed student. As for the evil plans...
"He he he... and then we open this scene with a mysterious trenchcoated man, saying ominous stuff to... I'll add the name when I know who I can take. This scene will then open smoothly into the next... I should take bets on how many will think it's a reference."
...well, some would say there was nothing more evil than writing fanfics. However, fun as watching a crazed author writing an absurd story may be, the next five minutes would have been quite boring, except...
*OMINOUS CHORD* "You've got mail! AAAAARGH!" the computer said.
"Mail?" Jonatan quickly switched over to his mail program, incidentally failing to notice the spectacular light show behind him, and read the new mail. "Spamnation, it's more worthless multi-receiver mail from the Economics. Damn pests..."
"Jonatan Streith, I bring you a message," Gabriel the Archangel said.
Jonatan glanced at the being of pure holiness standing in his room. "Hey, who let you in here?"
Gabriel frowned. "Choose your words better when you address an angel."
"So are you going to destroy Tokyo now?"
Gabriel frowned deeper and muttered something about "slander" under his breath. "No. You are chosen to participate in the saving of a world."
The young man blinked and pulled at the brightly colored headband he wore. "I'm sorry, this seems to have been cutting off my circulation... for a moment there, I thought you said I was going to save a world."
"I did."
Jonatan nodded. "I see. Good night, Gabriel. I've been neglecting sleep for too long, I think."
The Archangel let out a deep, heartfelt sigh. "When did you humans become so distrustful?" He held out a pamphlet. "Here. I take it you still trust the written word?"
"Of course." Jonatan took the pamphlet and browsed through it. "Hmm... hey, why didn't you say this was about FF:F?"
"If that is what you want to call it." Gabriel started to rise towards the ceiling. "And now I must take my leave."
"...so I'll need to create my own character, hmm? Maybe I can use an old one..." He looked up. "By the way, you look nothing like--"
"Mention Cristopher Walken again..." Gabriel intoned, "...and you'll spend an eternity in Purgatory."

Disclaimer type thing: Oh, come on, look at who's writing this. You should know better. Honestly... (re: yes, there are bad words. Yes there might be some violence. Yes there may be sexual innuendoes. I'm not holding a gun to your head forcing you to continue; you read at your own risk.)

And now, let's get on to the story!

Train Stop, Wall Market Sector, Slums of Midgar.
Wednesday, 2:15 pm.

The train pulled to a stop, and announced the arrival to the Wall Market stop. That is the Wall Market, not the WalMart. It's very easy to get the two confused, and at least one person getting off the train was about to screw themselves and have to pay the fare to get back on for the WalMart stop. But, anyway, among the people who got up was a shorter figure dressed in men's clothing. Mirrored sunglasses obscured his eyes, and strands of strange silver colored hair, which fell to his chin, covered some of his face. The fellow was rather short, very slim and his facial features seemed very feminine, including a small nose and rose colored lips. He went to the doors, and got off the train, a bag over one shoulder and a black staff pressed against the other.
He walked off towards the Wall Market, whistling casually and pretending to be unaware of the other two men following him. Again, this is the Wall Market, and not WalMart. The Wall Market is located somewhat near that graffiti-covered wall (which has such messages as "Cloud Strifes Wears Women's Clothes" and "Rufus Shinra can spank me any day" spray-painted upon its brick surface) in the slums, and the WalMart... well, that was bought out by ShinRa years ago and turned into a sweat shop. No one really noticed anything different. But, really, back to the man walking to the Wall Market and being followed by these other two men -- that's three men for those of you keeping count.
These two men, who were following the first man, had just returned to Midgar after spending a month hunting for treasures out near the Bone Village. It was said the legendary Lunar Harp was buried amongst those old bones and many a treasure hunter wanted to find it and hock it on E-Bay. But they, the two treasure hunters in question (as opposed to the other treasure hunters), weren't following this fellow because they thought he had the Lunar Harp. Nor where they following him to sell him useless crap, ask the time of day, or strike up a discussion about what he would rate certain couplings of the characters off Buffy the Vampire Slayer. No, they were following him because they thought he was some "pretty boy" slumming it by visiting a bar in the sector or something. They were just looking for someone to steal beer money from, really, they weren't gay. In fact, they were complete homophobes, as most drunken rednecks tend to be.
They followed, being as silent and inconspicuous as they could be. Which was rather conspicuous, due to the fact that they were drunken rednecks, but no one was bothering to do anything. When some high and fancy plate dweller came down it was general policy that they got mugged...it somehow was justified and it was always fun to point and laugh. So the game of follow the leader went on for a few blocks, and probably would have continued until (a) they got up the guts to mug the fellow or (b) they chickened out and left the guy alone or (c) they passed out due to the high alcohol content of their bloodstreams.
So, it surprised both of them when the fellow turned down an alleyway, and then waited for them to follow him inside. They found him casually leaned up against the outer wall of one the shanties, looking almost cheery.
"Good ev'ning, gents. You wouldn't be planning to try and rob a poor fellow blind, now would you?" the fellow asked, giving them a smug little smirk that seemed to say "I know something you don't". Of course, the expression could also be one of homicidal mania, as the two seem to go hand-in-hand.
The first treasure hunter, a burly man, grunted. "Eh, jes' like you says, Bruno," he slurred, drunkenly as opposed to soberly, "he even sounds like a woman."
Bruno, a slightly less burly man nodded. "Right, he's jes' a pretty, pretty little boy, can't be no more than twenty. Lookit dat, Erikson, he tain't got no hair on his chiny-chin-chin yet."
"Please, you're hardly one to compare yourself to a wolf," the fellow snorted. "A wolf is an elegant animal, a master of the hunt. You two are...not. And the grammatically correct form is 'he doesn't have any hair'."
"Don't ya go correctin' my grammar, ya l'il snot-nosed femme!" Bruno snapped. "I made it all the way past six grade!"
"Does that mean you dropped out during the summer?"
Bruno pulled out a knife. "Listen up, Pretty Boy, you jes' hand over your Gil and we'll let you walk away from here. You wouldn't want to get any marks on that lily-white skin of yours."
The fellow smiled. "Why, my good man, are you trying to flatter me? I'd think your friend there is more than enough to keep your bed warm."
Bruno bellowed and drove, but the boy sidestepped, delivering a sharp chop to the back of the large man's neck. He crumpled to the ground.
"Oy, Erikson, he cuffed me! The little prick darn cuffed me!" Bruno cried. "Cut 'im!"
"You really don't want to do this, Erikson," the young man said. "You saw what I did to your friend here. He's not going to be walking about on his own anytime soon. But I'm in a good mood tonight, so I'll make you a deal. If you tell me some information I want to know, I'll let you walk away--carrying your hasty friend here, of course. Or you could leave him for the MP to find."
Erikson hesitated. Truth be told, it was Bruno that had talked him into this. He hadn't liked the idea of robbing someone...no matter how short on Gil they might be.
"Erikson, cut 'im!" Bruno ordered. "You can't let some little pretty boy scare you. We'll be laughed outta the saloon if anyone finds out about this!"
"I wouldn't tell a soul about your intentions," the young man replied. "My silence about your unfortunate shortcomings in the intellect department and your inability to defeat me is what I've offered, and I keep my promises. All I ask in exchange is a little bit of information. I don't see how I can make this any more appealing without compromising myself or my financial reserves."
Erikson stared incomprehensibly. "Er...right. What do you want to know, sir?"
A distinctly feminine laugh echoed through the alleyway. "You are an amusing creature...but that alone isn't going to redeem you in my eyes."
"No little boy is going to talk to us that way!" Bruno roared. "Cut his pretty little throat, Erikson!"
The boy kicked Bruno, and the man howled in pain. "You shut up. You've already tried my patience enough." He turned back to Erikson. "Now, I believe you and your friend ran into another treasure hunter last night in a bar. A youngish man, perhaps twenty to twenty-five years of age."
"You'll have to be more descriptive, sir," Erikson said. "We met lots of people last night...treasure hunters or not, they seldom say."
"You'll remember this man. I assure you. He appears to be from the Wutai area, slight Wutai accent, with short black hair and green-blue eyes. He's calling himself...Gabriel I believe. You do recall the man I'm talking about, don't you, Erikson?"
He nodded. "Aye, sir. We met him at Seventh Heaven last night. He bought us a drink and we talked about the old Wutai-ShinRa war stories. He said he was selling a couple pieces he'd found at the Wall Market today."
"Ah," the young man nodded. "Excellent; I'm not too late. Very good." The young man reached into his pocket and tossed a five-gil piece to Erikson. "Now, take that and buy your ale."
The big man caught the coin and blinked. "T-thank you, sir."
"Ey, what about me?" Bruno demanded. "Five gil won't get ale for both of us!"
The young man laughed again, the feminine bell-like laughter cascading forth like a waterfall. He reached up and pulled off his mirrored sunglasses and his heavy-lashed green eyes stared down at Bruno. "A man who cannot tell a boy from a girl when he is ten feet from her and looking at her back is one thing, but a man who goes to slit the throat of this girl and still is unable to see that she is indeed a woman... Well, he is the man who has already had enough ale." The girl reached up and ran a slender finger along her smooth throat, emphasizing the lack of an Adam's apple. "Now, you boys stay out of trouble. I'd hate to have to embarrass you again."
She picked up her fallen bag, and resting the pole against her shoulder again, stepped back out into the street.
Erikson looked at Bruno. "I think I needs to get me eyes checked, Boss."
Bruno rubbed his neck. "Didn't hit like no girl..." He glared up at his partner. "And don't you breathe a word of this to no one!"

#118: #445, come on...how does anyone not notice the difference between a boy and a girl without the girl being rather...manly?

#445: She's really pretty. They just thought she was one of those...really effeminate guys.

#118: That doesn't make sense. They would tell once she started talking.

#445: They were drunk. I mean I did write that they were making a lot of noise.

#118: But still...

#445: Hey, it works for CyberSix...

#118: You can't try to apply logic to CyberSix. It only has one episode, and it's about birds attacking people.

#445: It's got more than one episode. There's another one about werewolves. And another one about a circus with robots and another one about goblins and-

#118: You still shouldn't incorporate CyberSix elements in your story.

#445: But I like CyberSix.

#118: What's there to like?

#445: She wears a black skin-tight leather suit and has this flowing dramatic cape whose length and existence contradict reality. What's not to like?

#118: Okay, fine. So the girl's pretending to be a guy to protect herself?

#445: No, Bri just likes to wear men's clothing.

#118: ...right. (She pats #445 on the shoulder and begins to walk away.)

#445: (calling after her) No one objects when Utena does it!

The Wall Market was busy today. People of all kinds bustled about, no one paying attention to a young person in men's clothing who seemed to be calmly passing through the crowds, intently pursuing two females towards a trendy clothing shop. One girl was dressed in a black tank top and blue jeans and had long, golden-red hair; the other was dressed in a purple skirt and white shirt, and had short, brown hair.
"So then I said, 'honey, in your dreams'," the brunette said to her redheaded friend. "I mean, no glove no love. I'm not getting pregnant."
"What did he say, Les?" the redhead asked.
"He said that he could find plenty of girls to give it up down at the Honey Bee Inn," Les replied. "So I told him that he could head on down there because we were through."
"No!" the redhead gasped. "You're over?
"Yes!" Les nodded. "We are sooooooo over, and you know what, Inno, I'm really happy about it. He was such a pig."
"He was a total asshole," Inno nodded, opening the door to the shop.
"I mean, like, yeah. Why couldn't I see that before?" Les asked, following her inside. The door slammed shut behind them, saving the population from hearing the rest of the tedious and stereotypical "girl talk".
"Women," a man remarked. "Is that all they talk about?" He was promptly hit by his wife, and spent the rest of the day trying to kiss her ass so she wouldn't make him sleep on the couch.

Professor Hojo looked at the green creature in the cage. Its folded over dog-ears and big eyes gave it the appearance of some kind of child's stuffed animal. He looked back at the hopeful scientist who had created it.
"What do you call this, Dr. Kadowaki?" he asked.
"A dog dragon, Professor Hojo," Dr. Kadowaki replied.
"Well, do you know what I'd call it?" Hojo asked. Dr. Kadowaki shook her head. "I'd call it a joke." He shook his head. "Honestly, I haven't seen anything quite so pathetic since your cat-rabbit creation. Throw it away with the rest of the failures."
"If I may, sir, the cabbit had great potential, as does the dog dragon-"
"Throw it away." Hojo repeated. "And don't bother me again unless you've got something worth seeing!"

The young man with the short black hair sighed and began drumming his fingers on the counter. Things weren't going his way. First off, his prospective client had failed to show, and now he was running low on Gil--so low that he might not be able to afford to stay at an Inn tonight. Gods only knew what had brought him back to this bar. The beer really wasn't great, the service lousy and--
The girl behind the bar couldn't be more than ten. Marlene, his brain supplied. Her name's Marlene. The big guy's, Barret's, "daughter".
"Aunty Tifa had to go out," Marlene said cutely. "But I've been practicing, so I can get you a drink."
"Thanks, kid," he replied, a stirring of revulsion surfacing in him over the thought of a child serving drinks in a bar. "But I actually just hoped to talk to her. Do you know when she'll be back?"
Marlene shook her head. "No, Mister, I don't."
He sighed. "Well, I'll come back later tonight then. Can you tell Tifa that Gabriel was here?"
Marlene nodded, and he turned and walked out of Seventh Heaven. He shifted the pack on his shoulder and wondered what he should do next. There was always the possibility of trying to sell a few items to the stores in the Wall Market, but he wasn't sure that he wanted to put up with the crowds.
"Hey, Gabriel!" a voice cried, and he turned, caught off guard. Two men were stumbling towards him, the larger one supporting the smaller. He recognized them as Bruno and Erikson, two fellows he'd met in the bar last night. Bruno looked like someone had given him a good beating.
"What happened to you two?" he asked, grimacing at the bruise on Erikson's face.
"Some gi--," Erikson stopped as Bruno shot him a dirty look. "We had a run in with someone," he said instead.
"Funny thing," Bruno rubbed his cheek, "they were askin' about you, Gabriel. And I thinks to myself, Bruno, I says, we gotta go warn our good buddy in case he's in danger." Bruno's look darkened. "Or I says, if our good buddy's got some friends, we better tell him we don't appreciate being worked over."
Gabriel looked at them. "I don't have any friends who would attack you, guys. Honest, I don't know very many people."
"Well, she sure seemed to know you," Erikson spoke up, "in a hurry to find you too, I thinks."
Gabriel's eyebrow raised. " 'She'?"
"Some little bitch all dressed up like a man," Bruno grumbled.
Gabriel frowned. "I think I'd remember if I knew a cross-dresser. Did you get her name?" When Bruno shook his head, Gabriel sighed. "Could be an assassin or a bounty hunter, I guess."
"You done something we should know about?" Bruno asked, probably thinking he could get the reward.
Gabriel shook his head. "No idea why they'd want me. Thanks for the tip, though. I'll keep my eyes open." He walked away.
Bruno looked at the bar. "Well, take me inside, Erikson, we're gonna spend that Gil."
"Right, boss," Erikson nodded.

#662: (peeks over #445's shoulder) Oh, it's those two members of the Deep Down South Fated Fan Club. I thought they were killed last week up near the Northern Crater.

#445: (confused) I don't know what you're talking about.

#662: You know, those annoying hikers...

#445: No, no, no. That was Josh, Heather and Mike. They're three completely different morons.

#662: You sure? All these characters start to seem the same to me after a while. Gee, I guess that's why they're called "stock characters" huh? Maybe you should have original type people.

#445: You don't have original characters in fanfics.

#662: But you've totally stuck original characters in this one. (#445 gets an irritated look on his face.) What? Why are you looking at me like that?

#445: I don't like it when people criticize my work. Who the hell do you think you are, anyway? Epilson?

#662: Geez, #445, lighten up. I'm just trying to help. Besides, Epilson really isn't that bad of a guy; he's just got a bad reputation. (He takes the keyboard and begins to read through the story thus far.) Here, why don't you let me help you edit some of this crap out? (#445 says nothing as he suddenly goes very still and gets possessed by Sephiroth.) I'll just change the parts that aren't any good--

Sephiroth: You'll do no such thing, or I shall lay some smack down upon you.

#662: (blinks) Hey, I was just trying to help you. Don't get so touchy... sheesh...

Sephiroth: Leave me to my work, or you shall taste the cold steely taste of death from Masamune.

#662: You are so weird, you know that, #445? (Sephiroth glares at him) Fine, but don't blame me when this turns out stupid because you can't take constructive criticism. (He leaves)

Sephiroth: Bah! Why would I need help? I am the Great Sephiroth! (He looks at the screen) What's this flowery prose that #445 is trying to pass off as quality? The reader would have fallen asleep by now. (He smirks) Enough of this mysterious and developmental crap, it's time for some action!

Inno Kinsley looked at her friend, Les, and then back at the mirror. She held the sweater up in front of her. "I don't think it's my color," she replied.
At that second a dozen or so Shinra SOLDIERs burst into the clothing store. A female one with blue-black hair stepped over to the shocked girls. "Which one of you is Inno Kinsely?" she demanded.
"I am," Inno said, shakily. "What's going on?"
"You are coming to speak with the Captain," the SOLDIER replied.
"Who?" Inno blinked. "But... I didn't do anything!"
"Yet," the SOLDIER replied, grabbing her arm. "Let's go."
The SOLDIERs piled out of the store in a very orderly fashion, neatly avoiding knocking over any racks or upsetting any displays. It appeared that no damage would be done to the store until one of the last SOLDIERs turned around and randomly fired at the store clerks and customers. "NA HAHAHAHA!!!" he laughed, hysterically. Or at least he did until the wooden pole bashed into his skull. Then he just went "ugh" and fell to the ground.
The girl in the black and red suit walked into the destroyed store and shook her head. "Anyone alive in here?"
The store clerk/manager stuck his head up from behind the bullet-hole riddled till. "Are they...gone?" He did a double take at seeing the girl, having to confirm that it was a girl.
She nodded. "It appears so. What happened?"
"They walked in, took one of my customers, and then shot the place up," the man replied. "And...hey, she took that sweater with her without paying for it! That bitch!"
The girl in the suit looked at the store. "Quite a mess..." She looked back at the store manager. "Maybe you should hire someone to clean it up."
"I would love to get my hands on that girl," the store manager said. "That sweater was worth a lot of money. At least twenty gil."
"Don't you think repairing the damages caused would be a higher priority?" she asked.
"My wife knitted that sweater herself," the man replied. "It took her three months to complete. It's not so much the money as it is the sentimental value."
"Why are you selling it then?"
"A man can't eat sweaters."
"Point noted," the girl sighed. "All right, I'll play along. How much would you pay to see her again?" The store manager said nothing. She sighed, turned around walked to the door and then walked back up to him. "How much would you pay to see the girl again?"
"Twenty five gil." He replied.
"What the hell, it gives me something to do." She shrugged. "Does this girl have a name?"
"The SOLDIER called her Inno Kinsley," the store clerk replied.
"You didn't say anything about SOLDIERs," she replied. "That brings the price up to fifty gil. I hate dealing with SOLDIERs."
"Fifty gil it is," the store manager replied, reaching forward and shaking the girl's hand.

The SOLDIER pulled Inno along through the crowd. "Come on," she snapped. "Keep it moving. The Captain doesn't like to be kept waiting." And if I impress him enough, I'll make the posting to his second-in-command, she added silently. Even if he is a complete asshole, and the sight of him makes me want to puke...I really could use the extra cash.

Gabriel had heard the sounds of gunfire from across the Wall Market. Unlike the other patrons, who heard it every other day, he actually looked up to see where it was coming from. Had he just minded his business, like every other person was doing, he could have just gone on with his life, completely indifferent to the events transpiring beyond his control. Of course, the important thing is that he did look up, almost against his better judgement. One might say... he was fated to see Inno Kinsley being hauled away by the SOLDIERs and then to decide to go after her. Maybe this was fated as well, or maybe she just owed him money.
The important thing is that he did go after her because if he hadn't... well, things might have turned out very differently than they did that afternoon.

It wasn't hard to track a herd of SOLDIERs through the Wall Market. After all, a group of ten or so men all clad identically didn't exactly blend in with their surroundings. It was probably the most un-inconspicuous way to travel, but who said SOLDIERs had to worry about working covertly? That kind of job had to be left to the Turks; not that they were any better at it.
Most people did steer clear of the marching group and others always looked away, and this forever will be known as just one of the classic example of "Don'tGetInvolvedUnlessItConcernsYouIfYouKnowWhat'sGoodForYou" syndrome in relation to Shinra Electrical Power Company. Of course, those people who notice someone getting involved are usually effected with the "WellIt'sYourFuneral" syndrome, which causes them to express beliefs that this person must obviously have a death wish and it's best to just stay out of their way as well.
Thus, explaining how it wasn't that difficult for neither the girl nor Gabriel to have much trouble following the SOLDIERs. However, those who are immune to the "Don'tGetInvolvedIfYouKnowWhat'sGoodForYou" and "WellIt'sYourFuneral" syndromes usually have their own sicknesses they can catch. These are the HeySinceWe'reAfterTheSameThingLet'sTeamUp-itis and the dreaded I'llGetItFirstNoMatterWhatIHaveToDoToYouInOrderToSucceed pox. From the questioning looks the girl was giving Gabriel she probably had the 'pox whereas he was feeling a case of 'TeamUp-itis coming on.
"Hey," Gabriel called, crossing the street and falling into step beside her. "What are you doing?"
"My good deed for the day," she replied, and increased her pace. "Now, if you don't mind--"
"Do you know the girl?" he inquired. "What did she do?"
She snorted. "Shinra doesn't need a reason to yank someone off the street, don't you know that?"
"So she's not guilty of anything?"
"Just not dropping a sweater she was holding when the goons hauled her off." She stopped suddenly, and he had to swerve to the side to avoid running into her. "They're heading towards the Sector Seven alleyway."
Gabriel rubbed his shin that she had bashed with her wooden pole when she'd stopped. "Yes, and if we don't hurry we'll lose them."
"What's this 'we' business? I don't recall asking for any help." She frowned at the alleyway. "Those morons are going to take an unarmed civilian through that monster maze? They must be headed for the train station. Probably going to take her plate-side."
"And if they get her to that train, we've lost the chance to help her," Gabriel continued. (And here it comes...) "Hey, since we're both trying to achieve the same goal, why don't we team up?"
She considered it. "There are an awful lot of SOLDIERs for just one person to take on--"
"Exactly, we'd stand a better chance together and--"
"So I can understand why you'd be frightened and want my help." She tossed her hair, and started walking away. "But you'll have to keep up."
He sighed. "At least tell me your name."
She snorted. "Let's not make this any more personal that it has to be. This isn't a social outing; it's a reconnaissance mission. Remember that."
The words, the very tone chilled him...and struck a note of familiarity not too far off C sharp. There was a time he could have easily said the same thing to someone, without a second thought...but he pushed the memory back down.
"Listen," he said, matching her pace. "People work better when they feel a sort of...comradeship with each other. A common goal sometimes isn't enough to unite people in battle, especially when the matter of personal safety is raised."
"Don't worry about my personal safety," she assured him, "I'm not some frail little flower girl. I can take care of myself."
He sighed. They walked in silence. "You can call me Gabriel," he said finally.
"All right, Gabriel."
"Um, no it's Gab-ri-el."
"No, it's Ga-bri-el."
"I think I know how to say my own name."
"From the way you say, I highly doubt it's your real name."
"It's pronounced Gab-ri-el."
"It's pronounced Ga-bri-el, emphasis on the "ga" syllable. It's pronounced "Gab-ri-el" if you're French or Italian, and you," she gave him a good look, "are neither."
He blinked, and frowned. "If I'm what and what?"
She paused. "Oh right... Never mind; it's not important. All you need to know is that it's pronounced Ga-bri-el."
"You want me to believe I've been saying my own name wrong?"
She snorted. "You probably say "Se-fer-roth" as well."
"And what's wrong with saying "Se-fer-roth"?"
"Nothing, except for the fact that the correct pronunciation is 'Se-fi-roth'. 'Se-fi-roth', 'Se-fi-rah'."
Gabriel muttered something under his breath. "Are you going to start correcting my grammar, too?"
"If I feel it needs correcting." She smirked. "You're cute when you're frustrated, Mr. Gabe."
"I don't believe I said you could shorten my name," he muttered. "It's a very dignified name, you shorten it and make it sound--"
"Look, we can both agree on how you pronounce 'Gabe'," she replied, hiding a smile beneath a yawn. "As I've said before, I don't intend to make this any more personal than it has to be, but if you insist on first name basis, you may call me 'Bri'."
"Bri? And what might that be short for?"
She ignored him. "I told you, no more personal that it has to be. I'm not here to make friends with you."
"Oh, so it's just me that you dislike so much. Why, do I smell bad?"
She sniffed delicately. "Not necessarily."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Would you be insulted if I said you smelled like my father?" she asked. "It must be your aftershave or something."
"I'm not wearing aftershave-"
"Well, since you are so forcibly nice, I suppose we could make conversation. You do seem able to walk and talk at the same time, and appear to be a rather intelligent man." She paused. "Don't take that as a compliment. I simply meant you're not drooling and tripping over your own feet. Nor did you seem to be ogling passerbys."
"Do you enjoy belittling people?" Gabriel asked, switching his reply to match her change of topic.
"No, I primarily enjoy playing with their minds. Belittling is a close second."
"Are you screwing with my head now, Bri?"
"Actually, no. Had I been able to follow my primary plan of shadowing you and learning more about you, then I probably would be. However, since we've run into each other prematurely to my plans, I'm simply evaluating how far I can push before you spank me."
"Would you like to be spanked?"
"By you? Probably not. You're beginning to take a sort of 'father figure' role with me, and my father never spanked me. I think it would violate my memory of him if you were to. What about you, Gabe? Would you like to be spanked?"
"Not by someone who says I remind her of her father. I personally think I'd make a lousy father."
"I've changed my mind, this bantering back and forth is most refreshing, Gabe. It's been a long time since someone was quick-witted enough to offer any sort of a challenge."
"I assume from previous comments you're the one who inflicted the emotional damage on Bruno."
"Bruno was too easy. Vastly inferior."
"And that would make you the 'little bitch all dressed up like a man'?"
She made a face. "Really, such base language only undermines your intelligence."
He waited a while before replying. "Do you pride yourself on your ability to rapidly change subjects? A sort of psychological warfare on the smaller scale, perhaps?"
"My father taught me about war," she replied. "Does it seem strange to you that we've nearly passed through this sector and haven't been randomly attacked once?"
"I imagine most of the wandering monsters were taken care of by the SOLDIERs. They can't just keep re-manifesting themselves each time a new group comes through."
"Really? I always imagined there was just a never-ending supply of them and that accounted for it." She stopped and pointed at two shapes up ahead. "Look, it's the girl and the SOLDIER who grabbed her."
Gabriel inspected the SOLDIER. "I didn't know women were allowed in the SOLDIER program." The girl SOLDIER was talking to a shadowy figure that he couldn't quite make out.
"It looks like you were followed, Ccoa," the figure said.
"I'm so sure you could have done better, sir," the girl replied sarcastically.
"I might remind you that you're addressing a superior."
"I might remind you, sir, that I've just done your dirty work for you so you could show a little bit of gratitude. Busting into a clothing store and grabbing a stranger isn't exactly something that puts Shinra in a good light."
"It got the job done."
"Excuse me," Bri cleared her throat. "Do you think you could save your petty lovers' quarrel for another time?"
Both the figure in the shadows and the SOLDIER pulled glasses of water out of "prop-space" and proceeded to do a synchronized spittake on each other. If looks could kill, the glare from the SOLDIER would have been a deathblow. However, since a deathblow materia rarely ever executes a deathblow unless it's at its final level, Bri was pretty much unfazed.
The figure's glinting green-blue eyes stared up at Gabriel and Bri from the shadows. "Well, well, I wasn't expecting to see you two until later on."
"We've come to rescue the girl--" Gabriel began.
"Inno," Bri cut him off. "Her name is Inno."
"Right," he nodded. "We've come to rescue Inno."
"Hand her over," Bri smirked. "Or I will have to use force. I might have to hurt you."
The figure in the shadows laughed. "You hurt me? It's the other way around." It snickered. "I suppose if you're so set on rescuing her I might as well let you try..."
"But, Captain," the SOLDIER protested, "you said it was vital that we secured the girl before anyone else did. Or did you forget that as well?"
"Shut up, Ccoa," the figure snapped. "We'll pick the girl and what's left of these two up on our way back." He whistled sharply. "Bring out the boss!"
"Boss?" Gabriel blinked.
"It's time for a boss fight already?" Bri muttered.
"Ccoa, tie up Inno and put her where she can watch. We may as well go for the throat on overused cliches for this scene." The figure instructed, pulling out what looked like a small capsule. Ccoa did as ordered, but clearly wasn't happy about it. "Now," the figure said once she was done, "let's get to a safe place. I don't want to have to watch this."
He tossed the capsule to the ground and ran off with Ccoa.
Gabriel looked at Bri. "Is something supposed to happen now?"
The capsule shuddered and there was a large puff of smoke...

Sephiroth: (leaning back in the chair) Now, what comes out of the capsule must be terrifying and evil...yet still funny...hmmm.... (he looks over at one of #118's "girl magazines" that's been dumped in the wastebasket in the corner. Seeing the smiling face on the cover, he grins evilly.) That's so perfect...

A young woman with Heidi-style braids and strange fuzzy pink feather things in her hair stepped out of the smoke. She was wearing a short plaid skirt and a white shirt. She held a microphone in one hand.
Bri turned paler than Rei Ayanami, and shrank back. "By the Black Materia...it CAN'T be..."
Turning to Gabriel and Bri, the girl gave them a huge smile and brought the microphone up to her mouth. "Hi everybody, I'm Britney Spears, and I'm so happy that you all came to my concert!"
Bri screamed.
"A fan!" Britney gushed. "Wow! I'm so, like, happy that you all love me so much! Today I'm going to sing my first number one hit, Baby One More Time. Ready?" Music started to play.
Bri grabbed Gabriel by the lapels of his black leather coat and yanked him down so close to her that their noses were touching. "Kill me," she ordered. "Kill me now!"
Gabriel, who didn't really understand or have a lot of experience with handling the female half of the human species (or any part of the human species for that matter) did the best thing he could think to do. He blinked twice. A second or two passed and then he blinked twice again.
Bri grabbed his hand and pointed to the bow over his shoulder. "All you have to do is put the arrow on the string and then release it. Now KILL ME!"
"Um, why?" he asked.
She stared at him open-mouthed. "It's BRITNEY SPEARS! I'd rather be DEAD than have to listen to HER!"
"Aren't you overreacting?"
"Oh you say that now, but just you wait till she starts singing You Drive Me Crazy; you'll be begging someone to help you end your life."
" 'My loneliness is kiiiiiiiilling meeeee'," Britney crooned in her off-key tone-deaf voice. " 'I must admit I still believeeeeeee. If you're not with me I lose my mind...give me a siiiiiiiiiiiiiign, HIT ME BABY ONE MORE TIIIIIIIIIME!'"
Gabriel looked at the Pop star and then back at his flinching and pain-stricken partner. "Are you really sure you're not just overreacting?"
"If you were human you'd be reacting the same way," Bri snapped, and then wobbled on shaky legs. "I think I'm going to..." she trailed off and slumped against Gabriel's chest.
"Oh come on," he muttered, "snap out of it, Bri, she's just a singer." No response. "Hey, you can't just pass out on me. What do I look like? Some kind of guy whose only purpose for being around it to catch girls when they faint?"
Britney wound down her song. "Thank you!" She bowed. "This next song was also a number one hit for me; it's called Sometimes." Different music started up and Bri opened her eyes.
"Did you kill the mouseketeer?" she asked, groggily.
"No, I was too busy holding you up," he replied, annoyed.
"Are you useless?" Bri demanded, shoving away from him. "When the music stops her defenses are down. You should have taken a shot at her."
"Watch who you call useless, little girl--I was the only thing keeping you from kissing dirt."
"Look," Bri jabbed a finger into his chest. "We have to kill this monster not just to save Inno, but for the betterment of the entire world."
"You've got a pole," he pointed to her fallen weapon. "Just go and bash her over the head a few times."
"It doesn't work like that," Bri told him. "She's protected while singing. We have to wait until she stops and lets her defenses down."
"That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard."
"If you don't believe me, go ahead and try to take a shot at her, but I'm not taking responsibility for what happens if you do."
Gabriel raised the bow, sighted Britney and sent an arrow on a perfect direct course with her. At least, until it got within a foot of the singer; it then seemed to bounce off an invisible shield and redirected itself, slamming into the wall right next to Inno's head. The girl yelped through her gag and gave Gabriel a nasty glare. He winced. "I guess there is something to your theory after all..."
"Look, next break between songs we hit her with everything we've got."
Gabriel nodded. The two waited in silence, with Bri checking her watch every few seconds. Gabriel tapped his foot along with the music until a cold glare from Bri stopped him.
"What? It's a very catchy tune."

The tall man with the flowing black hair and brown mako eyes inspected his surroundings. "It disgusts me to think that my return to my homeworld has been anything but the triumph I expected it to be." He paced along the cliff edge overlooking Midgar, brandishing a seven-foot fork in one hand. "To be tossed away so easily like a piece of street garbage," he mused, "to think that I am considered so worthless that I do not even deserve a proper execution...disgusts me. I tell you, Caffeine, this will not suffice." He stabbed the fork dramatically into the air, and splayed a passing seagull.
"Wark!" the black chocobo replied.
"What's that, Caffeine? Seek vengeance against Jenova and my former brethren for this heinous crime they have committed?"
The chocobo shook her head. "Waaaaaark!" she replied, trying to gesture to the seagull sliding down the prongs of the fork.
The man ignored her. "Why, Caffeine, you are, indeed, the most soundest of advisors. I cannot allow this to go unchallenged. I shall prove to Jenova that Synthesis is a name she should fear." He stopped. "No, that's lacking something in the drama department. There must be a more...impressive oath I can swear..." he spotted a pile of bones lying near Caffeine and bent down to pick up a skull. "Yes, like Prince Hamlet, I shall swear upon the bones of my fallen comrade to seek justice. Of course, I have no comrades, so this skull of some anonymous stranger will suffice." He raised the skull up and set his face in a grave expression. "I swear upon these bones that I, Synthesis, shall avenge myself by taking my revenge against Jenova."
"Wark," Caffeine remarked.
"Yes, it is true that a Bolt spell would have been nice for creating the mood," Synthesis nodded, "but neither of us has a lightning materia on hand." He tossed the skull back onto the pile of bones. "To Midgar, Caffeine, where we shall seek out people who can aid us in our noble cause." He began walking away.
Caffeine looked at the direction he was walking and then back towards Midgar. "Wark!" she cried.
Synthesis paused, and hastily smiled. "Why, of course I realize that Midgar is in the opposite direction, Caffeine, I was merely testing you. Now, to Midgar!"
"Wark!" agreed Caffeine, and the two of them set off again...this time in the correct direction.

Britney stopped singing. Gabriel let another arrow fly, but it served to only land closer to Inno.
"What the hell?" Bri demanded.
Britney giggled. "The love and adoration of my many fans keeps my self-esteem so high that nothing gets through my ego-barrier!"
Bri cursed. Gabriel inspected his chain-sickle, setting the bow on the ground. "I thought I packed a destruct materia..."
Britney laughed again. "Your materia will never DeBarrier me! My confidence soars!"
"What is she, some kind of out of control demiurge?" Bri asked. "This is insane. There has got to be a way to get through that barrier!"
"Give up!" Britney 'sang' into the microphone. "Give up and join me in a chorus of Soda Pop! Then we'll end it with Email My Heart!"
Gabriel, looking almost annoyed, muttered, "I think the aorta would get caught in the disk drive." He took a practice swing with his chain sickle. "I'm out of arrows."
Inno, over by the wall and surrounded by deflected arrows, mumbled something through her gag that might have been 'thank God'.
Bri's grip on her pole tightened. "That's it! Diamond Du-" Gabriel clamped a hand over her mouth.
"Not while she's got that barrier up," he hissed, "you'll send the attack either back at us or onto the girl."
Bri thrashed and kicked, nearly biting his hand. "I don't care anymore!" she wailed. "The only thing that matters to me now is destroying that monstrous freak!"
Britney's happy grin faded, ever so slightly. "What did you just call me?" she asked.
"I believe the term used was 'monstrous freak'," Gabriel replied, avoiding an elbow to the head.
"Let me go!" Bri demanded. "I'm warning you, I have a fire materia and I know how to use it--" She kicked Gabriel's shin and he dropped her, yelping a little. "Go check on Inno," she instructed. "I'm going to kill this...thing."
"Right, okay," Gabriel took a step backwards. "You kill it real good, kid, and I'll just go over there and make sure that Inno's okay." He looked over at Inno. "Excuse me, Miss? Are you still all right?"
Britney trembled a little. "No, I'm not all right! That nasty girl called me a freak!"
He blinked. "Um...I could really care less if you were okay. We're trying to kill you, remember?" Inno mumbled something nasty, but her gag muffled it. Gabriel turned back to her. "That's right, kid, you keep up the positive attitude and we'll have you free just as soon as Bri silences the tone-deaf--"
Britney bit her lip. "I'm not tone deaf!"
Bri's eyes narrowed. She took a deep breath, faced off against Britney and did as much damage as she could. "Oh yes you are. You only sell records because you expose your midriff."
Of course, Britney was ready to defend/attack back. "At least I'm not ashamed of my body!"
"Just because I don't dress like a cheap streetwalker all the time doesn't mean I'm ashamed of my body," Bri replied, gaining strength as the battle became one of wits. She was certain that she had an infinitely more vast supply of those than the pop star did.
But Britney wasn't going down easily. "At last I'd never be mistaken for a man!"
"Hm, perhaps, but I've never had the media mistake a man in drag, and not a very handsome man either, for me."
Britney turned bright red. "Yeah, well..." she struggled. "You're a flat-chested bitch!"
Bri's eyes glimmered coldly and a look came over her that frightened Gabriel. It was a look from someone who stood among the remains of a burning village as the fire illuminated his pale skin and bounced off his silver bangs, with the shadows playing across his face as his eyes burned brighter than the flames. And as he looked up with a devious smirk of pure malevolence upon his lips, you just knew that the real deathblow was coming and it will be a perfectly executed finishing move.

Sephiroth: (wearing the same expression) Yes, indeed, the deathblow...

"Mine are real," Bri said simply.
Britney's ego shield crumbled into nothingness. She whimpered and sank to her knees. "I grew, honest. That...that was just a rumor..."
"No one grows that much naturally," Bri continued, reveling in seeing her most feared/hated opponent reduced to a sniveling pile of mush at her feet.
Britney, tears streaming down her cheeks, looked up at Bri. "Honest, I grew. You believe me, don't you?"
"Oh, it doesn't matter anymore, sweetie," Bri's tone took on a sort of condescending gentleness. "I think you should focus on the positives...you don't look nearly as fat anymore."
Britney began to sob uncontrollably. "No, please, stop it! Leave me alone!" She screwed up her face and tried one last, desperate strike. "You...you...not nice person!"
Bri knelt down beside her, and took the fallen pop star's chin in her hand. "Let me tell you what happens to 'nice' people, darling. Nice people end up as sheaths for Masamune." She pushed a strand of hair away from Britney's face, and smiled. "Poor, poor, little girl, some people are just too weak to accept the truth."

#118: (comes into the room) Yoo-hoo, #445!

Sephiroth: (freezing in the spot, his fingers hovering over the keyboard)

#118: #662 and I are going grocery shopping, is there anything you'd like?

Sephiroth: Some of that French Vanilla coffee creamer.

#118: I didn't know you drank coffee...

Sephiroth: Only the last half an inch of sludge with the grounds in it that's been sitting at the bottom of the pot for the past five hours.

#118: Right. Coffee creamer. Sure. And we might stop by the doctors and get you some new Mako pills, okay?

Sephiroth: Is there anything else?

#118: Yes, the phone's for you. It's your...girlfriend. (She sets down the phone and walks away. Sephiroth picks up the phone.)

Sephiroth: The clone you are trying to reach is currently being possessed by Sephiroth. Please leave a message and then desist in annoying me.

Aeris: Oh, Sephy-chan! You're so silly! Tee hee hee hee!

Sephiroth: [sweatdropping. (Yes, #445 has the ability to sweatdrop despite the fact that he is a bishounen. Most speculate it has something to do with all those times he was hit upside the head with Hojo's clipboard.)] This is just an answering machine. Leave a message. Beep!

Aeris: #118 said you were there, Sephy-chan! Tee hee hee hee!

Sephiroth: Did it ever occur to you that she might have lied-- (realizes he's given himself away) Damnit!

Aeris: Tee hee hee hee! I knew it was you, Sephy-chan!

Sephiroth: (annoyed sigh) What do you want, Aeris?

Aeris: I learned some Japanese, tee hee hee hee hee!

Sephiroth: (blinks twice) Uh...that's lovely.

Aeris: Ima, isogashii desu ka? (Are you busy now?)

Sephiroth: Hai, chotto youji ga arimasu. (Yeah, I have some things to attend to. [formal])

Aeris: Ee...to, ima nani ga suru ka? (Well...what are you doing now? [informal])

Sephiroth: Parodii o kakimasu. (Writing a parody. [formal])

Aeris: Sou desu ka? (Is that so?)

Sephiroth: Sou desu. (It is.)

Aeris: Great I'll come help! (She hangs up the phone.)

Sephiroth: Ch! (blinks) Oh, right, I can speak English again. Shimatta! (looks back at the computer screen) Well, I'd better try and get some work done before she shows up...

Gabriel shook out of his daze. "Bri, wait!" he called. "Leave her be, you've made her suffer enough. We've got Inno, there's no reason to continue this fight."
Bri paused, a look of surprise on her face. Then, she stood, brushed off her clothes and wave dimissively at Britney. "Go on, get out of here before I change my mind."
Britney scrambled to her feet and ran off.
"You let her go," Gabriel remarked, sounding surprised. "I was sure you were going to kill her."
"Yes, well..." Bri trailed off. She proceeded to unpin the longer black strands of her hair that had come undone. She repinned them beneath her shorter silver strands and turned to face him. "You told me to leave her alone, so I did."
"Because I told you to?" He blinked. "Really? If I hadn't said anything you would have killed her?"
"Oh, let's not dwell on 'would haves' and 'might have beens'." She gestured to Inno. "It all worked out in the end. Of course, the next time we meet Shinra forces I won't be showing any mercy."
Gabriel shrugged. "I think you should consider gathering a few more people on your side before you try to take on Shinra's forces."
Bri rolled her eyes. "Of course. I'm ambitious, not suicidal." She reached into her pocket and pulled out a folder piece of paper, handing it to him. "But I do have a schedule to meet."
Gabriel inspected the flyer. It was a memo advertising the "Captain-Premier's Inauguration Ball", and set the date to be three days from now. "Well, I admire your aspirations, Bri, but three days isn't much time to gather forces and strategize."
She snorted. "I've already strategized. I just need...underlings to do some grunt work." A thoughtful look crossed her face. "Say, you wouldn't be busy on that night, would you?"
"I don't do grunt work," Gabriel replied.
"No, not to do grunt work," she replied. "I need an...escort. It would look suspicious if a lady showed up without a date."
"Why don't you see if you can't get the Captain-Premier to take you?" He asked, joking. He bent down and began untying Inno. "I'll have you loose in just a second, kid."
"Now there's an idea," Bri remarked. "I'll keep that in mind, but assuming he has other plans, can I count on you?"
"Sorry, Bri," Gabriel replied, reaching for Inno's gag. "I don't plan to stay in Midgar that long."
"Pity," Bri muttered. "Finally someone I don't loathe the company of, and it appears we won't be together long enough for me to enjoy the feeling."
If Gabriel heard her he didn't say. He pulled Inno's gag off. "There you go, Miss."
Gag off, Inno glared at the two of them. "Why didn't you just walk over and untie me in the first place? It's not like you were doing anything else!"
Bri blinked. Gabriel chuckled awkwardly and rubbed the back of his neck. "The thought never even crossed my mind."
Bri winked at Inno. "My, my, you've got a temper to go along with that pretty face of yours. Good, I like a woman who can take care of herself."
Inno stared at the other girl and then her eyes rolled back up in her head and she promptly fainted. Bri reached forward and caught her.
"I hope she doesn't make a habit of doing that," Gabriel remarked.
"You can catch next time she does," Bri told him. "She's heavier than she looks."
"Joking aside, we need to get out of this sector. Those SOLDIERs might come back."
"Well, after I return this sweater," she gestured to the piece of wool that Inno was clinging to like a security blanket, "to the shop owner in the Wall Market, and collect my fifty Gil reward, I'm open to any suggests you have."
He looked at her. "You never mentioned you were doing this for money."
"I suppose you want a cut?" She sighed. "Very well...I'll give you ten gil for your time, but nothing more. You really didn't play much of role in the battle."
Gabriel shook his head. "Fine. But after you collect the reward, we should go somewhere and talk to Inno. Maybe she can explain why a bunch of SOLDIERs shot up a store just to get to her."
"Assuming she ever regains consciousness."
"Damn," he slapped his forehead. "I completely forgot. I'm supposed to go back to this bar and talk to someone there but--"
"Seventh Heaven's as good as place as any to wait out Miss Kinsley's nap time, I suppose." Bri shrugged. "Besides, we're going to need to meet Cloud and the members of AVALANCHE at some point. Might as well get it over with." Her expression brightened. "Maybe they'd be interested in assisting in the Party plan I have."
"It couldn't hurt to ask," Gabriel replied, and gestured for her to lead. "Let's go to the Wall Market, then." He wondered how she had known the name of the bar...and about AVALANCHE.
More than meets the eye, he thought as she stepped before him, draping Inno's arm over her one shoulder and supporting the girl like you would a drunken friend. Both of us are.
"Oh, Gabe?" Bri asked, looking back.
"Yes?"
"The grammatically correct phrase is 'kill it very well'," she told him. "Or even better would have been to say 'kill it as best you can' or even-"
"You know, Bri, some people might find this need you have to correct their grammar to be really annoying," he cut her off. "So, if those random monsters have regenerate themselves enough to attack us on the way back, I guess I'll get to see you use that pole of yours."
"Actually, Escaflowne is a scythe," she replied. "I just haven't got the blade attached to him right now."
"Uh...you named your scythe?"
"Why of course." She smirked suddenly. "Once the blade is attached, I daresay, the vision of Escaflowne is rather awe-inspiring."
"You named your scythe...'Escaflowne'?"
"What did you expect I'd name it? 'Phibrizzo'?"
He gave her a funny look. "I've never met anyone who named their weapon before."
"Well it was either Escaflowne or Oogama...but that's just silly." He gave her a blank look. "Look, 'oogama' means 'scythe'. It would be like naming your dog-demon 'Inuyasha'."
"I'll take your word for it."

Sephiroth: (grinning) Hmm...perhaps I can develop this dark side of Bri... (he scans the story) What's this? #445 is discrediting what I wrote earlier? This cannot be! I will start the next chapter with more of my {EVIL} character...BWA! Ha ha ha! (He stops laughing) But first I must finish this chapter before starting another. I have to get as much done as I can before Aeris shows up and #445 regains control of his body... (he drums his fingers on the desk.) But what can I have happen? What would be a really good way to end this chapter?

It had been a long past few months of struggling to survive, sometimes not even knowing if they would eat that night, but Yuffie Kisaragi and Kain Woodshaft had finally made it to Midgar. Or at least to the gates of Midgar. The months would have probably passed quicker and been more enjoyable if Yuffie hadn't insisted on singing the lyrics to everyone of her favorite bands' songs.
Right now she was just wrapping up the last painful strains of her most favorite song to sing. " 'MmmmBop!' " She paused, and began to hum another song. This one had lyrics that went something along the lines of "All you people can't you can't you see how you're affecting our reality" something something something "and that makes you larger than life".
"Can we talk?" Kain asked, struggling to maintain sanity amongst the onslaught of BSB melodies on his audio nerves.
Yuffie blinked, and blissfully the singing stopped. At that moment Kain was certain there was a God. "You want to...talk?" she repeated. "About what?"
Kain opened his mouth to reply, and realized he had no freakin' clue what sort of things Yuffie liked, except for really bad Boy Bands. With certain fear that she would no doubt start singing again unless he thought of something to say, he struggled to find any sort of topic. "Um...some strange kid back near Nibel, huh?" he managed finally. "Playin' marbles with materia an' everything."
Yuffie snorted. "We should have taken that Ultima materia."
"Now, now, Yuffie," Kain waggled a finger at her, "what have I told you? Stealing is bad. Now, if we could have gotten her to give it to us, that's a different story."
"She was almost going to," Yuffie remarked, "I wonder what made her change her mind."
"Who cares?" Kain shrugged. "Next time we see her..."
"Yeah," Yuffie brightened, "next time that Ultima materia is mine!" She laughed. "Hyuk, hyuk, hyuk! But, we're onto bigger and better things, Woodshaft! Midgar!" She smiled. "Not only will there be plenty of materia ripe for the taking here, but we'll be sure to find lots of people who hate Shinra and are willing to help liberate Wutai."
"Liberate Wutai," Kain repeated, a dark look flashing in his eyes. "Right. Crushing Shinra is the first step."
"What's up with you, Woodshaft?" Yuffie demanded. "You're being even more a jerk than usual today."
Kain's menacing glare flickered. "Nothing's wrong with me, Yuffie."
"Well, maybe you can't tell, but I sure can." She shook her head. "You've been having these weird moods ever since we left Nibel." Yuffie paused, her eyes widening. "Kain Woodshaft, you're not...keeping something from me?"
Kain turned several shades of pale, settling on 'oh sh--'. "K-k-keeping something?" he stammered. Impossible, she can't have found out about the arrangement...there's no way.
"Yuffie to Kain!" Yuffie cried, cupping her hands around her mouth. "Hey, I asked if you were holding out on me." She put her hands on her hips. "You wouldn't have gotten that materia from that kid when I wasn't looking and not tell me about it, would you?"
Kain relaxed. Of course, it's Yuffie. She's only concerned with one thing. She doesn't know anything about what happened inside the reactor.
"Hey!" his train of thought was derailed as Yuffie grabbed the smaller sack attached to his backpack, the one he was keeping the materia he'd collected in.
"Maybe I'd better check just to make sure," Yuffie giggled.
"Come on, Kisaragi!" He protested. "That's my fair cut of the materia stash. I earned those."
"If you want them you'll have to find me in Midgar!" Yuffie called, as she pulled one of her famous vanishing acts.
"Dammit," Kain muttered. He looked up at Midgar, rising up out of the clouds. Suddenly a very ominous feeling over came him. "That's right... she said I should go on ahead and we'd meet up in Midgar." He shook his head. "Easy, Kain, don't get spooked over nothing. The first thing to do is to find Yuffie and get back my stuff. I can worry meeting this Sephiroth that Jenova told me about later."

Sephiroth: And that'll do it for this chapter. Now for chapter two... Hmm, what shall I have happen?

-Access Data File
Username?
-Sefriah.
Password?
**** ****
-Accepted. Accessing Fate Game Data File....
Processing.....
Search results indeterminate. Narrow search command down.
-Access Fate Game Progress Notes
Searching....
2 Files found. Author's Notes and Timeline for Chapter 1.
-Access Author's Notes
Processing...completed.

~
Author's Notes:

Definition of title terms:
Director: main author
Assistant directors: people who wrote scenes
First screening: prereaders

First off, this part would not have happened without the extremely helpful prereaders I had.

BWA: who suggested the spittake by Indigo and Gevura, and knows about the Deep Down South Fated Fan Club and how to use a comma properly. ^_~

Philip: Who I think had way too much fun reading this, perhaps as much fun as I had writing it. He also suggested how to refer to Kizn and to use Joodan in the Hojo scene.

Jonatan: Who reminded me about Game reality/concepts, and contributed a very nice intro scene, which he'll no doubt be getting some points for. Of course, he also caught those last minute errors for me. ^_^

Squall: Who offered to preread for me, which was very nice of him. Thanks, Evans-san!

And you: Yeah, you, the people who supported this crazy idea! (Sasha, Kate, Rift) There would be no Fate Game without you. ^_^

Yes, I only focused on a few characters... give me a break. There weren't any other profiles when I started this. The Gevura and Indigo stuff is purposely vague, as BWA is going to develop them in the next part, which focuses on the Shinra folks. Um, quick note... Bri is not a lesbian; she just loves to play with people's heads and will go to almost any length to do so.
Ah, I'll do the points calculations later. I'm tired, I'm sick...

~

End Author's Notes file.
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Chapter 1 Timeline, or where does this fit in with the game's events? Okay, I have two possible ways this all flows with the game.

1) The dinner President Shinra has to go to in the game (before Cloud falls through the church roof and meets Aeris) is the Ball, and that would place this all before the second AVALANCHE mission. That would mean that the plate has yet to fall, and the Cloud in a dress (wall market) stuff hasn't taken place yet. (I know that I want to see that in Fate Game.) My thoughts are that the second AVALANCHE mission takes place before the ball and the whole plate fiasco a few days after.

2) The second mission is taking place, and that's why Tifa isn't at the bar. (The dinner might be a meeting with Gevura, or just a dinner.) In the wall market, Bri and Gabe will meet Cloud and Aeris, and hopefully help them rescue Tifa. The plate falls, and the ball takes place after. AVALANCHE are trying to rescue Aeris while Bri/whoever is at the party creating distractions(?).

Course there's probably a whole bunch of other possibilities...

~
End Timeline file.

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